''v'T«i>':o 



:^s 



r^Tii 




\Tn TJInnn rvnliniiirQil )Ten Nights in a Bar Room. The Bottle. 

m rlRyS hXCMEPfl. jxhe Drunkard's Doom. The Drnnkard. 



Pi ice 15 Cents Each. 



No. XXXVIII. 

FRENCJJI5 STANDARD DRAMA. 

THE CLANDESTINE MAMIAGE 



% Comcbji, 



IN FIVE ACTS 



' BY GEORGE dOLMAN, THE ELDER. 



WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHARAC- 
TERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



NEW YORK : 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

122 Nassau Stretst, (Up Stairs.) 



BOOKS EVE.UY AMATEUR SHOULD HAVE. 
AH.tTEUR'Sl GUIDE ; or, How to Get np Home Theatricals and to .4ct in Them, with Rules, By- 
Laws, Select*.! Scenes, Plava and other n.ieful infurmation for Amatenr Societiea. Price 25 cts. 

GUIDE TO THK ST.IGK. 15 cents. AUT OF ACTING. 15 cents. 
I Anything on tfiis cover sent by mail on receipt of price. 



FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAM 



1 



Pricjfi 1 ?> Ofinta each. — Bound Volumes $1. 25. 



VOL 

1 Ion I 

a Faiio I 

3 The Lady o 
i Richelieu 
5 The Wife 
fi The Honeyi 

7 The School 

8 Money I 

VOL,! 

9 The Strang! 

10 Grandfathei 

11 Eiohard III; 

12 Love's Sacrj 

13 The Games! 
1* A Cure for tl 

15 The HunchI: 

16 Don Csesar ' 

VOL.; 
1 1 The Poor G 

18 Hamlet 

19 Charles II I 

20 Venice PreiJ 
31 Pizarro ! 

22 The Lore C* 

23 Othello 



i'loprictor and Magas'cr Mr. LTiSTER W^LL.^iJK. 

Doors (>ii|fc at 7:31. Coiuui^ccs at SA-, 
XliirtieWj and last wue.TlJui oilo ^^' 
ot iJr. 
series 
tions. 
SATURDAY, M.ir aSl, ISTt 
MATINEE at I ::^U and EVKNTNsi at'B o'clock^ 
•will be presented the celebrate i Ooniedy oi tiie 
CLANDIijTi.NK MAltKlAi? v 

Lovii Ogleby '.Mr. John ^'il'- ; 

C.iiilou , .Mr. Jnhn Bki, , , 

ii nisa IM r. ii arj-y i , . , , 

i.'i\ewell -.-...Xtr. ICd ward '.ni 

: 1 w feierlinii- ' ..Aii-. J W. i;;i i r. >! 

r John MelviUe.-, .-. .Mr. .W. J. J'ert,iis:, 

'■'■ 1 -s Merlins • '• -Wi::'s Jeilreys )> ,■ i 

-Mrs. Heidelberg..' AiniV. i o:;i- 

Fanny .SlerUnfT Miss Dora liuriithwar 



i'iUiny .Sler 
■•Irs. Tru.siv 



24 Lend me PiU u- 

VOL. IV. 

25 Virginius 

26 King of the Com 

27 London Assuraoi 

28 The Bent Day 

29 Two Gentlemen ofVerona 

30 The Jealous Wife 

31 The Rivals 

32 Perfection 

VOL. V. [Debts 

33 A New Way to Pay Old 

34 Look Before You Leap 

35 King John 

36 Nervous Man 

37 Damon and Pythias 

38 Clandestine Marriage 

39 William Tell 

40 Day after the Wedding 

VOL. VI. 

41 Speed the Plough 

42 Romeo and Juliet 

43 Feudal Times 

44 Charles the Twelfth 

45 The Bridal 

46 The Follies of a Night 

47 Iron Chest [Pair Lady 

48 Faiut Heart Never Won 

VOL. VII. 

49 Road to Ruin 

50 Macbeth 

51 Temper 

52 Evadne 

53 Bertram 

54 The Duenna 

55 Much Ado About Nothing 

56 The Critio 

VOL. VIII. 

57 The Apostate 

58 Twelfth Night 

59 Brulus 

60 .Simpson & Co 

61 Merchant of Venice 
62:ild Heads* Toung Hearts 

63 Mountaineers [r\a.ge 

64 Three Weeks after Ma 

VOL. IX. 

65 Love 

66 As Yau Like It 

67 The Elder Brother 

68 Werner 

69 Gisippus 

70 Town and Country 

71 King Lear 

72 Blue Devils 

VOL. X. 

73 Henry VIII 

74 Married and Single 

75 Henry IV 

76 Paul Pry 

77 Guy Mannering 

78 Sweethearts and Wives 

79 Serious Family 

80 She S*oops to Conquer 



Bla 

ivetty Mi.ss .Mmni. 

Ohambeimaid Miss /•^sl.elle . 

II Tlie programme lor the final weeli ot the presti. 

• soji will bo 



i:.Aii.I K.C>„ J»\ U. 4Xiy^44 'A'iiJjgp,. 



VOL. XIV 

105 Game of Love 

106 Midsummer Night's 

107 Ernestine [Dream 

108 Riig Picker of Paris 

109 Plying Dutchniau 

110 Hypocrite 
HI Therese 

112 La Tourde Nesle 
VOL. XV. 

113 Ireland As It Is 

114 Sea of Ice 

115 Seven Clerks 

116 Game of Life 

117 Forty Thieves 

118 Bryan Boroihme 

119 Romance and Reality 

120 Ugolino 
VOL. XVL 

121 The Tempest 

122 The Pilot 

123 Carpenter of Rouen 

124 Kings Rival 

125 Little Treasure 

126 Dombey and Son 

127 Parents and Guardians 

128 Jewess 
VOL. XVII 

129 Camille 

130 Married Life 

131 Weulock of Wenlock 

132 Rose of Ettrickvale 

133 David Copperfleld 
\M Aline, or the Rose of 

135 Pauline [Killarne^ 

136 Jane Eyre 
VOL. XVIII. 

137 Night and Morning 
138iEthiop 

139 Three Guardsmen 

140 Tom Cringle 

141 Heuriette, the Forsaken 

142 Eustache Baudin 

143 Ernest Maltravera 

144 Bold Dragoons 
VOL. XIX. 

145 Dred, or the Dismitl 
Swamp 

146 Last Days of Pompeii 

147 Esmeralda 

148 Peter Wilkins 

149 Ben the Boatswain 

150 Jonathan Bradford 

151 Retribution 

152 Mineral! 
VOL. XX, 

153 French Spy 

154 Wept of Wishton Wii 

155 Evil Genius 

156 Ben Bolt 

157 Sailor of France 

158 Red Mask 
1.59 Life of an Actress 
160 Wedding Day 



VOL. XXIV. 

185 Young New York 

186 The Victims 

187 Romance after Marriage 

188 Brigand 

189 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Gwinett 

191 Raymond and Agnes 

192 Gambler's Fate 
VOL. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Massaniello 

195 Sixteen String Jack 

196 Youthful Queen 

197 Skeleton Witness 

198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

199 Wilier and his Men 

200 Aladdin 
VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 

202 Undine 
!03 Jessie Brown 

204 Asmodeus 
jW5 i-'ormons 

206 Blanche of Brandywine 

207 Viola 

208 Deseret Deserted 
VOL XXVII. 

209 Americans in Paris 

210 Victorine 

211 Wizard of the Wave 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horseshoe Robinson 

214 Armand, Mrs Mowatt 

215 Fashion, Mrs Mowalt 
.'.6 Glance at New York 

VOL. X.-^VIII. 
217 Inconstant 
-'18 Uncle Tom's Cabin 
2l9 Guide to the Stage 
■220 Veteran 
■221 Miller of New Jersey 

Dark Hour before Dawn 
223 Midsum'rNighfs Dream 
(Laura Keeno's Edition 
24 Art and Artifice 
VOL. XXIX 

225 Poor Young Man 

226 Ossawaitomie Brown 

227 Pope of Rome 
I'ii Oliver Twist 
229 Pauvrette 

30 Man in the Iron Mask 

231 Knight of .irva 

232 Moll Pitcher 
VOL, XXX'. 

233 Black Eyed Susan 

234 Satan in Paris 
:35 Rosina Meadows [ess 

236 West End, or Irish Heir- 

237 Six Degrees of Crime 

238 The Lady and the Devil 

39 Avenger,or Moorof Sici- 

40 Masks and Faces 



{Catalogue, continued on third page of cover.) 



I VOL. XXXI. 

1241 Merry Wives of Win 
■242 Mary' a Birthday 

243 Shandy Maguire 

244 Wild Oats 

245 Michael Erie 

246 Idiot Witness 
j47 Willow Copse 
f48 People's Lawyer 

VOL. XXXII. 
;49 The Boy Martyrs 
1:50 Lncretia Borgia 

51 Surgeon cl Paris 

52 Patrician's Daughte 

53 Shoemaker of Toulo 
i 54 Momentous Questio: 
[55 Love and Loyalty 
,i56 Bobber's Wife 
I VOL. XXXIII. 

57 Dumb Girl of Geno 
>58 Wreck Ashore 

ii'll l59Clari 
Mi 1 50 Rural Felicity 
(■• .; 151 Wallace 
-.J V 52 Madelaine 

53 The Fireman 
i64 Grist to the Mill 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 Two Loves and a I.I 

266 Annie Blake 

267 Steward 

268 Captain Kyd 

269 Nick of the Woods 

270 Marble Heart 

271 Second Love 

272 Dream at Sea 
VOL. XXXV. 

273 Breach of Promise 

274 Review 

275 Lady of the Lake 

276 Still Water Runs De 
271 The Scholar 

278 Helping Hands 

279 Faust and Marguerit 

280 Last Man 
VOL. XXXVI. 

281 Belle's Stratagem 

282 Old and Young 

283 Raffaella 

284 Ruth Oakley 
■285 British Slave 
280 A Life's Ransom 

287 Giralda 

288 Time Tries All 
VOL. XXXVII. 

289 Ella Rosenburg 

290 Warlock of the Glei 

291 Zelina 

292 Beatrice 

293 Neighbor Jackwood 
■294 Wonder 

9u> Itohei t Rmmet 

296 Green Bushes 
VOL. XXXVIII. 

297 Flowers of the Forei 

98 A Bachelor of Arts 

99 The Midnight Banqui 

300 Husband of an Houi 

301 Love's Labor Lost 

302 Naiad Queen 

303 Caprice 

304 Cradle of Liberty 
VOL. XXXIX. 

305 The Lost Ship 

306 Country Squire 

307 Fraud and its Viotlr 

308 Putnam 

309 King and Deserter 

310 La Fiammina 

31 1 A Hard Struggle 

312 Gwinnttte Vaughan 
VOL. XL. 

313 The Love Knot |Ji 

314 Lavater, or Not a 

315 The Noble Heart 

316 Coriolanus 

317 The Winter's Tala 
31SEveleen Wilson 

319 Ivanhoe 

320 Jonathan in Englai 



No. XXXVIII. 
FREr^CH'S STANDARD DRAMA 



THE 

CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 

^ CHomclin 

IN FIVE AC .'S. 

BY GEORGE COLMAN. THE ELDER, 



ft'lTH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CIIARACTERS, COS- 
TUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS. &c. 



NEW YORK: 
SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER ^ 

122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) 



■^lS2 






W(«'^'^ 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Covent Garden, 182i. Paik May, Idil 

LordOgleby Mr.W. Karren. Mr. Plucide. 

Sir John Melvil •• Baker. " Abbott. 

Sterling " Fawcett. " Bellamy. 

Lovcwell •' Cooper. " Lovell. 

Canton " Yates. " Fisher. 

Brush " Jones. " E.Shaw 

Sergeant Flower " Clareraont. 

Traverse 

Trueman " Mears. 

John (a Servant) " Heath. " Iting. 

Mrs. Heidelberg Mrs. Davenport. Mrs. Verncn. 

Miss Sterling " Faucit. Mrs. Hunt. 

Fanny Miss Jones. Miss Buloid. 

Betty Mrs. Knight. 

Cnambermaid Mrs. Lovell. 

Trusty Miss Bedford. 

*»* In order to abridge the time of the representation of this piece, the parts of 
Sergeant Floiccr and his legal companions are now ucually omitted. 



COSTUMES. 

LORD OGLEBY. — First dress : — Flowered satin dressing-gown, a bow of wliit* 
satin riband on his head. Second dress: — Full court dress, with spangles. &c. 

SIR JOHN MF.LVIL. — Dress hat, blue dress coat, white waistcoat, white breeches, 
white silk stockings, and shoes. 

STERLING. — Cocked hat, brown coat, waistcoat, and breeches ; white stockings, 
and shoes. 

LOVEWELL. — Round black hat, blue coat, white waistcoat, black breeches, black 
silk stockings, and shoes. ~ 

CANTON.— First dress :—Coc\ieA hat, light coat trimmed with black, a belt, huge 
French postillion's boots, his hair in papers. Second dress: — White coat, light 
drab breeches, very short at the knees, light and s-potted silk stockings and shoes. 

BRUSH. — Olive green coat, buff waistcoat, flesh coloured breeches, and silk stock- 
ings, and shoes. 

MRS. HEIDELBERG.— First rfress.— Dark flowered gown, a flat and very wide 
gipsy hat. Second dress: — Flowered silk gown (very large pattern) trimmed 
with scarlet, ruflles, high cap, and long fliers. Third dress : — Common robe-de- 
chambre, &c. 

MISS STERLING.— White satin. 

FANNY. — White muslin, trimmed with white satin. 

BETTY. — Flowered cotton gown, black silk apron. 



EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 
R. means Right; L. Lefi: R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door 
p. E Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Dooi 

RELATIVE POSITIONS. 
5., means Right; h., Left ; C, Centre; R. Q., Right 0/ Centre, 
L. C, Left of Centre. 

li.B. Passages marked with Inverted Commas, are usually omitted in the 
representation. 

C3»FT 

EST. OF J. H. CORNING 
JUNE 2C. 1940 



EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. 

As a finished specimen of dramatic art, the comedy of " The 
Clandestine Marriage" holds a very high rank. Mr. Peake, tlie 
biographer of the Colmans, says it may be put, in the list of the 
acting drama, next in merit to the " School for Scandal" : and 
though we are somewhat doubtful as to the justice of this classi- 
fication, we cannot pronounce the estimate an extravagant one. 

The title-page of the original edition of the comedy bears the 
names of George Colman and David Garrick as the authors ; but 
there can be little doubt that by far the greater part of it was 
written b}'' the former. Garrick, though possessing some of the 
most essential qualities of the successful playwright, had not 
much true literary ability ; while CoLman was not only an ac- 
complished writer, but a good classical scholar. The whole out- 
line of the plot of this piece appears to have been his, as well as 
the idea of the principal characters. In a letter to Garrick in- 
closing a rough draft of the general scheme of the play, together 
with loose hints of acts and scenes, Colman, after giving a pretty 
clear foreshadowing of the story as it now stands, concludes by 
remarking : " Of the denouement I have not as yet even con- 
ceived those imperfect ideas I have got of some other parts. 
Think of the whole : and think in my train, if it appears worth 
while ; and when you have thrown your thoughts on paper as I 
have mine, we will lay our heads together. Brother Bayes." 

Upon the subject of Garrick's dramatic partnership, George 
Colman the Younger communicates the following facts : " In 
respect to the report of Garrick having written the entire cha- 
racter of Lord Ogleby, my father once told me it was not true ; 
that, as an instance to the contrary, he (my father) wrote the 
vshole of Ogleby's first scene. He also informed me that one of 



IV EDITORIAL INTRODL CTION, 

Garrick's greatest merits in tliis work (and it is a great one), was 
planning the incidents in the last act ; the alarm of the families 
through the moans of Mrs. Heidelberg and Miss Sterling, and 
bringing forward the various characters from their beds to pro 
duce an explanation, and the catastrophe. I regret that when 
my father imparted this, I did not make further inquiry ; but I 
was then ' a moonish youth', and troubled my head little or no- 
thing about the matter. He always talked, however, of the 
play, as a joint production. Dramatic connoisseurs maj' discover 
the styles of authors ; and there are few such connoisseurs who 
will not, I think, be of my opinion, that far the greater part of 
the dialogue in this comedy came from my father's pen, rather 
than that of Garrick." 

The part of Lord Ogieby having been intended for Garrick, 
his refusal to play it seems to have protiueed a temporary inter- 
ruption of friendly feeling between him and Colman. But real 
infirmities had incapacitated the great actor from representing 
fictitious ones ; and dreading to encounter the fatigues of sue 
cessive performances, he resigned the part to King, who acquired 
deserved celebrity in it, and vindicated the propriety of his se- 
lection. But the most distinguished representative of this cha- 
racter is Mr. Farren, whose personation, according to the unani- 
mous testimony of his critics, is one of the most perfect pictures 
that the stage has ever offered. The character itself is drawn 
with consummate skill, and carefully perfected. It is unecjual 
led in its excellence among the list of superannuated beaus and 
ancient rakes, which the drama can show. " Judgment, origi- 
nality, and fidelity, are combined in the delineation ; and chough 
the old lord's follies and foibles be in themselves sufficiently des- 
picable, yet by investing him with generous and humane prin- 
ciples, he is preserved from our contempt." 

"This comedy," says Richard Cumberland, "is one of the 
most pleasing and legitimate in our language. It does not sj)ar- 
kle with brilliant, but misplaced wit ; it does not convulse us by 
the distortions of bufibonery, nor startle us by extravagance of 
incident or character ; but the genuine taste that can pardon the 
absence of these modern beauties, will find abundant compensa- 
tion in its rature, ease, and temperate vivacity. As long as 



EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. V 

tliese qualivies maintain their attraction, Tlie Clandestine INIar- 
riage will support its high reputation." 

The "Clandestine Marriage" was originally produced at 
JDrury Lane Theatre early in 1766, and had a remarka'?)ly suc- 
cessful run. Farren's Lord Oglcby is still one of the most at- 
tractive personations of the London stage. In view of the emi- 
nent merits of this comedy as an acting piece, it is a little sur 
prising that it is not oftener performed in this country. Ts the 
absence of a great Lord Oglehy the cause ? Yet both Placide 
and Burton are fully competent to the part. The late Mr. Finn 
would have played it to perfection. He was the best antiquated 
beau we have ever seen. 

The comic characters of the play are drawn with much neat- 
ness and skill. Canton is the most amusing of parasites ; and the 
passages between him and his venerable coxcomb of a master, 
are buoyant with humour and vivacity, and tell well in the re- 
presentation. Mrs. Heidelberg is the prototype of Sheridan's 
Mrs. Malaprop ; but she is a character little known and ajjpre- 
ciated out of English society. The impudent valet, Brush, seems 
to have suggested the not dissimilar character of 7V?p, in the 
" School for Scandal." His aping of his master's foibles and 
vices tends to expose their genuine absurdity, and contributes to 
the truthful effect of the whole dramatic grouping. The charac 
ter of Sterling is sketched with great spirit, and is not without 
its parallels even in our own day and country. 

In conclusion we may remark, that there are few comedies 
that will better bear a searching critical analysis of their dramatic 
merits than the " Clandestine Marriage." Perhaps the one 
great defect of the plot is the absence of a clearly adequate mo- 
tive for the concealment of the marriage ; and Sir John Melvit 
very justly intimates at the close, that a little candour on the 
part of the married pair would have saved a world of perplexit} 
and uneasiness. But then that very perplexity was essential t< 
the dramatist's purposes. The error lay in not making its neces 
sity greater and more obvious. 



• Tr.B 

CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 



ACT I. 

Scene 1. — A Room in Sterling's House. — Miss Fanny and 
Betty meeting. 

Enter Betty. 

Betty. Ma'am ! Miss Fanny ! Ma'am ! 

Fanny, What's the mattei', Betty 1 

Betty, (c) Oh, la ! ma'am ! as sure as I'm alive, hero 
13 your husband — 

Fanny. Hush! my clear Betty ; if anybody in the houso 
should hear you, I am ruined. 

Betty. Mercy on me ! it has frightened me to such ade 
gree, that my heart is come up to my mouth. — But as 1 
was a-sayino^, ma'am, here's that dear, sweet — 

Fanny. Have a care, Betty. 

Betty. Lord ! I am bewitched, I think — But as I was 
a-saying, ma'am, here's Mr. Lovewell just come from Lon- 
don. 

Fanny. Indeed ! 

Betty. Yes, indeed, and indeed, ma'am, he is ! I saw 
him crossing the court-yard in his boots. 

Fanny. I am glad to hear it. — But pray, now, my dear 
Betty, be cautious. Don't mention that word again, on 
any account. You know we have agreed never to drop 
any expressions of that sort, for fear of an accident. 

Betty. Dear ma'am, you may depend upon me. Tliere 
is not a more trustier creature on the face of the earth, 
than I am. Though I say it, I am as secret as the grave 
— and if it's never told till I tell it, it may remain untold 
tilldoom's-day for Betty. 



8 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act 1 

Fanny. I know you are faithful — but in our circum 
stances, we cannot be too careful. 

Hetty. Very true, ma'am ! and yet I vow and protest 
there's more plague than pleasure with a secret ; espe 
cially if a body mayn't mention it to four or five of one'? 
particular acquaintance. 

Fanny. Do but keep this secret a little while lunger 
and then, I hope, you may mention it to anybody. — Mr 
Lovevvell will acquaint the family with the nature of our 
situation as soon as possible. 

Betty. The sooner the better, I believe ; for if he does 
not tell it, there's a little tell-tale I know of, will come and 
tell it for him. 

Fanny. Fie, Betty ! [ BhisJiing. 

Betty. Ah ! you may well blush. — But you're not so 
sick, and so pale, and so wan, and so many qualms — 

Fanny. Have done ! I shall be quite angry with you. 

Betty. Angry ! — Bless the dear puppet ! I am sure I 
shall love it as much as if it was my own. — I meant no 
harm, heaven knows. 

Fanny. Well, say no more of this — it makes me uneasy. 
All I have to ask of you is, to be faithful and secret, and 
not to reveal this matter, till we disclose it to the family 
ourselves. 

Betty. Me reveal it ! If I say a word, T wish I inay be 
burned. 1 would not do you any harm for the world — 
And as for Mr. Lovewell, I am sure 1 have loved the dear 
gentleman ever since he got a tide-waiter's place for my 
brother — But let me tell you both, you must leave oft' your 
soft looks to each other, and your whispers, and your 
glances, and your always sitting next to one another at 
dinner, and your long walks together in the evenings. For 
my part, if I had not been in the secret, I should have 
known you were a pair of lovers, at least, if not man aiid 
wife, as — 

Fanny. See there, now ! again. Pray be careful. 

Betty. Well — well, nobody heai's me. Man and wife 
— I'll say no more — what I tell you is very true, for all 
that. 

Loveicell. [Calling; witltout, l.] William ! 

Betty. Hark! I hear y^ur husband — 

Fanny What ! 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 9 

Betty. I say, here comes Mr. Lovewell — Mind tho cau- 
cion I give you — I'll be whipped, now, if you are not the 
first person he sees or speaks to in the family. However, 
if you choose it, it's nothing at all to me — as you sow, you 
must reap — as you bi'ew, so you must bake. I'll e'en slip 
down the back stairs, and leave you together. [Exit, n. 

Fanny. I see, 1 see 1 shall never hg,ve a moment's ease 
till our marriage is made public. New distresses crowd 
in upon me every day. The solicitude of my mind sinks 
my spirits, preys upon my health, and destroys every com- 
fort of my life. It shall be revealed, let what will be the 
consequence 

Enter Lovewell. l. 

Lav. My love ! How's this 1 In tears 1 — Indeed, this 
is too much. You promised me to» support your spirits, 
and to wait the determination of our fortune with })a- 
tience. For my sake, for your own, be comforted ! — 
Why will you study to add to our uneasiness and jierplcx- 
ity ? 

Fanny. Oh, Mr. Lovewell ; the indelicacy r)f w secret 
marriage grows every day more and more shocking to 
me. I walk about the house like a guilty wretch : 1 ima 
ginc myself the object of the suspicion of the whole f;x- 
mily ; and am under the pei-petual terrors of a shameful 
detection. 

Lov. Indeed, indeed, you are to blame. The amiable 
delicacy of your temper, and your quick sensibility, only 
serve to make you unhappy. To clear up this afiair pro- 
perly to Mr. Sterling, is the continual employment of my 
thoughts. Everything now is in a fair train. It begins 
to grow ripe for a discovery ; and I have no doubt of its 
concluding to the satisfaction of ourselves, of your father, 
and the whole family. 

Fanny. End how it will, I am resolved it shall end soon 
— very soon — I would not live another week in this agony 
of mind, to be mistress of the universe. 

Lov. Do not be too violent, neither. Do not let us dis- 
turb the joy of your sister's marriage with the tumiilt this 
matter may occasion ! — I have brought letters from Lord 
Ogleby and Sir John Melvil to Mr. Sterling. — They will 
be here this evening — and 1 dare say, within this hour. 



10 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [ACT I. 

Fanny. I am sorry for it. 

Lov. Why so % 

Fannif. No matter — Only let us disclcse oui marriage 
immediately ! 

Lov. As soon as possible. 

Fanny. But directly. 

Lov. In a few days, you may depend upon it. 

Fanny. To-night — or to-morrow morning. 

Lov. That, 1 fear, will be impracticable. 

Fanny. Nay, but you must. 

Lov. Must! Why? 

Fanny. Indeed you must. I have the most alarming 
reasons for it. 

Lov. Alarming indeed ! for they alarm me, even before 
I am acquainted with them. What are they 1 

Fanny. I cannot tell you. 

Lov. Not tell me 1 

Fanny. Not at present. When all is settled, you shall 
be acquainted with evei'ything. 

Lov. Sorry they are coming ! — Must be discovered ! — 
What can all this mean 1 — Is it possible you can have any 
reasons that need be concealed from me 1 

Fanny. Do not disturb yourself with conjectures — but 
rest assured, that though you are unable to divine the 
cause, the consequence of a discovery, be what it will, 
cannot be attended with half the miseries of the present 
interval. 

Lor. You put me upon the rack. I would do anything 
to make you easy — But you know your father's temper. 
Money (you will excuse my fi-ankness) is the spring of all 
his actions, which nothing but the idea of acquiring nobi- 
lity or magnificence can ever make him forego — and 
these he thinks his money will purchase. — l^ou know too 
your aunt's (Mrs. Heidelberg's) notions of the splendour 
of high life, her contempt for everything that does not re- 
lish of what she calls quality ; and that from the vast for- 
tune in her hands, by her late husband, she absolutely go- 
verns Mr. Sterling and the whole family : now, if they 
''omc to the knowledge of this affair too abruptly, they 
might, perhaps, be incensed beyond all hopes of reconci 
liation. 

Fanny But if they are made acquainted with it other- 



SrT.NEl.] THE CLANDEST NE MARRIAGE. 11 

wise than by ourselves, it will be ten times worse : and a 
discovery grows eveiy day more probable. The whole 
family have long suspected our affection. We are also 
in the power of a foolish maid-servant; and if we may 
even depend on her fidelity, we cannot answer for her dis- 
cretion. Discover it, therefore, immediately, lest some 
accident should bring it to light, and involve us in addi- 
tional disgrace. 

Lov. Well, well — I mean to discover it soon, but would 
not do it precipitately. I have more than once sounded 
Mr. Sterling about it, and will attempt him more seriously 
the next opportunity. But my principal hopes are these: 
My relationship to Lord Ogleby, and his having placed 
me with your father, have been, you know, the first link 
in the chain of this connexion between the two families ; 
in consequence of which, I am at present in high favour 
with all parties : while they all remain thus well-affected 
to me, I propose to lay our case before the old lord ; and 
if I can prevail on him to mediate in this affair, I make 
no doubt but he will be able to appease your father ; and, 
being a lord and a man of quality, I am sure he may bring 
Mrs. Heidelberg into good humour at any time. Let me 
beg you, therefore, to have but a little patience, as, you 
see, we are upon the very eve of a discovery, that must 
probably be to our advantage. 

Fatmif. Manage it your own way. I am persuaded. 

Lor. iJut in the mean lirne make yourself easy. 

Fanny. As easy as I can, I will. We had better not r^- 
main together any longer at present. Think of this busi- 
ness, and let me know how you proceed. 

Liov. Depend on my care. But, pray, be cheerful. 

Fanny. I will. [Go/wj^ r. meets Sterling entering. 

Ster. (r.) Hey-day ! who have we got here 1 

Fanny. \ Corifuscd.] Mr. Lovewell, sir. 

Ster. And where are you going, hussey I 

Fanny. To my sister's chamber, sir. [Exit, u. 

Ster. (r.. c.) Ah, Lovewell ! What! always g-etting my 
foolish girl yonder in the corner] Well, well — let us 
nut once see her eldest sister fast mairied to Sir John Mel- 
vil, we'll soon provide a good husband for Fanny, I war- 
rant you. 

Lor. (c.) Would to heaven, sir, you would provide her 
>ne of my recommendation ! 



12 THE CLANDESTINE MARKIAGE. fACT I 

Ste7\ Yourself? eh, Lovewell! 

Lov. With your pleasure, sir ! 

Ster. Mighty well ! 

Lov. And I flatter myself, that s. cli a proposal Vtrould 
not be very disagreeable to Miss Fanny. 

S/cr, Better and better ! 

Lov. And if I could but obtain your consent, sir — 

Ster. What ! you marry Fanny ! — no, no — that will ne- 
ver do, Lovewell ! You are a good boy, to be sure ; 1 
have a great value for you — but can't think of you for a 
Bon-in-lavv, There's no stuff in the case, no money, Love 
well. 

LoiK My pretensions to fortune, indeed, are but mode- 
rate ; but though not equal to splendour, sufficient to keep 
us above distress. Add to which, that I hope by diligence 
to increase it ; and have love, honour — 

Ster. But not the stuff, Lovewell ! Add one little round 
to the sum total of your fortune, and that will be the 
finest thing you can say to me. You know I've a regard 
for you — would do any thing to serve you — any thing on 
the footing of friendship — but — 

Lov. If you think me worthy of your friendship, sir, be 
assured that there is no instance in which I should rate 
your friendship so highly. 

Ster. Psha ! psha ! that's another thing, you know. 
Where money or interest is concerned, friendship i& quite 
out of the question. 

Lov. But where the happiness of a daughter is at stake, 
you v/ould not scruple, sure, to sacrifice a little to her in- 
clinations. 

Ster. Inclinations ! why^ you would not persuade me 
that the girl is in love with you — eh, Lovewell 1 

Lov. I cannot absolutely answer for Miss Fanny, sir : 
but I am sui'e that the chief happiness or misery of my life 
depends entirely upon her. 

Ster. Why, indeed now, if your kinsman. Lord Ogleby, 
would come down handsomely for you — but that's impos- 
sible — No, no — 'twill never do-— I must hear no more of 
this. Come, Lovewell, promise me that I shall hear no 
more of this. 

Lov. [Hesitating.] I am afraid, sir, T should not be able 
to keep my word with you. 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE 13 

Ster. Why you would not offer to many her without 
my consent ! would you, Lovewell ? 

Lov. Marry her, sir ! [ Confused. 

Ster. Ay, marry her, sir ! I know very well that a warm 
speech or two from puch a dangerous young spark as you 
are, Avould go much farther towards j^ersuading a silly 
girl to do what she has more than a month's mind to do, 
than twenty grave lectures from fathers and mothers, or 
uncles and aunts, to pi-event her. But you would not, 
sure, be such a base fellow, such a treacherous young 
rogue, as to seduce my daugntei s affections, and destroy 
the peace of my family in that manner. I must insist on 
it, that you give me your word not to marry her without 
my consent. 

Lov. Sir — I — I — as to that — I — I — beg, sir — Pray, sir, 
excuse me on this subject at present. 

Ster. Promise then, that you will carry this matter no 
fui'tlier without my approbation. 

Lov. You may depend on it, sir, that it shall go no fur- 
ther. 

Slcr. Well, well — that's enough — Pll take care of the 
rest, I warrant you. Come, come, let's have done with 
this nonsense. What's doing in town % Any news upon 
'Change ? 

Lov. Nothing material. 

Ster. Arid how are stocks 1 

Lov. Fell one and a half this morning. 

Ster. Well, well — some good news from America, and 
they'll be up again. But how are Lord Ogleby and Sir 
John Melvil ] When are we to expect them 1 

Lov. Very soon, sir. I came on purpose to give you 
their commands. Here are letters from both of them. 

[Giving letters. 

Ster. Let me see — let me see — 'Slife, how his lordship's 
letter is perfumed ! — It takes my meath away. [Opening 
it.\ And French paper, too ! with a fine border of flow- 
ers and flourishes — and a slippery gloss on it that dazzles 
one's eyes. " My dear Mr. Sterling." [Reading.] Mercy 
on me ! His lordship writes a worse hand than a boy at 
his exercise. But how's this 1 Eh ! " with you to-night !" 
— [Reading.] — " Lawyers to-morrow morning" — that's 
sudden, indeed. — Where's my sister Heidelberg 1 she 



14 THE CLiNDESTINE MARRUGE. [Act I 

should know of this immediately. Here, John ! Harry ! 
Thomas ! \ Calling- the &ervants.\ Hark ye, Lovewell ! 

Ijow Sir ! 

8u-r. Mind now, how I'll entertain his lordship and Sir 
John — We'll shew your fellows at the other end of the 
town how we live in the city — They shall eat gold — and 
drink gold — and lie in gold — here cook ! butler ! \Calling\ 
What signifies your birth and education, and titles % Mo- 
ney, money, that's the stuff that makes the great man in 
this country. 

Lon. Very true, sir ! 

Ster. True, sir ! Why then have done with your non- 
sense of love and matrimony. You're not rich enough to 
think of a wife yet. A man of business should mind no- 
thing but his business. — Where are these fellows % John ! 
Thomas! \Callivo.\ Get an estate, and a wife will follow 
of course. — All ! Lovewell ! an English merchant is the 
most respectable character in the universe. 'Slife, man^ 
a rich English merchant may make himself a match for the 
daughter of a nabob. Where are all my rascals ? Here, 
William ! [Exit, calling, r. 

Loo. [c. aJonc] So — as I suspected — quite averse to 
the match, and likely to receive the news of it with great 
displeasure. What's best to be done 1 Let me see ! Sup- 
Dose I get Sir John Melvil to interest himself in this affair. 
He may mention it to Lord Ogleby with a better grace 
than I can, and more probably prevail on him to interfere 
in it. Poor Fanny ! It hurts me to see her so uneasy, 
and her making a mystery of the cause adds to my anxie- 
ty. Something must be done on her account ; for, at all 
events, her solicitude shall be removed. [Exit, R. 

SCENE II. — Another Apartment. 

Miss Sterling and Miss Fanny sitting. 

Miss Ster. [Both rise.] Oh, my dear sister, say no more ! 
This is downright hypocrisy. You shall never convince 
nic that you don't envy me beyond measure. Well, after 
all, it is extremely natural — it is impossible to be angry 
with you. 

Fanny, (a. c.) Indeed, sister, you have no cause. 



Scf:NElI.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 15 

Miss S(cr. (i.. c. And you really pretend not to envy 
me 1 

Fanny. Not in the least. 

Miss Stcr. And you don't in the least wish that you wero 
just in my situation ] 

Fanny. No, indeed, I don't. Why should I 1 
Miss atcr. Why should you % What ! on the brink of 
marriage, fortune, title — But I had forgot — There's that 
dear sweet creature Mr. Lovewell, in the case. You would 
not break your faith with your true love now for the world, 
I warrant you. 

Fanvy. Mr. Lovewell ! always Mr. Lovewell ! Lord, 
what signifies Mr. Lovewell, sister ] 

Miss Ster. Pretty peevish soul ! Oh, my dear, gi-ave, 
romantic sister ! a perfect philosopher in petticoats ! Love 
and a cottage ! Eh, Fanny — Ah, give me indifference and 
a coach and six ! — 

Fanny. And why not the coach and six without the in- 
difference 1 But, pray, when is this happy marriage of 
yours to be celebrated 1 I long to give you joy. 

Miss Stfr. In a day or two — I can't tell exactly — Oh, 
my dear sister ! — [Aside.] I must mortify her a little. — I 
know you have a pretty taste. Pray give m.e your opinion 
of my jewels. [ Uocs back to the table and returns with jew- 
els.] How do you like the style of this csclavage 1 

[Shewing the jewels. 
Fanni/. Extremely handsome, indeed,, and well fancied. 
Miss Ster. What d'ye think of these bracelets 1 I shall 
have a miniature of my father set round with diamonds, 
to one, and Sir John's to the other. And this pair of ear- 
rings ! set transparent ! here, the tops, you see, will take 
off to wear in a morning, or in an undress — how do you 
like them 1 [Holding them vp. 

Fanny. Very much, I assure you — Bless me, sister, you 
have a prodigious quantity of jewels — you'll be the very 
queen of diamonds. 

Miss Ster. Ha! ha! ha! very well, my dear ! I shall 
be as fine as a little queen, indeed. I have a boquet to 
come home to-morrow — made up of diamonds, and rubies, 
and emeralds, and topazes, and amethysts — ^jewels of all 
colours, green, red, blue, yellow, intermixed — the pret- 
tiest thing you ever saw in your life! The jeweller says, 



16 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE rAcT 1. 

I sliall set out with as many diamonds as anybody in town, 
except Lady Brilliant, and Polly — What d'ye call it, Lord 
Squander's kept mistress. 

Fuiimj. But what are your wedding-clothes, sister ? 

Miss Sfci\ Oh, white and silver, to be sure, you know — 
I bought them at Sir Joseph Lutestring's, and sat above 
an hour in the parlour behind the shop, consulting Lady 
Lutestring about gold and silver stuff's, on purpose to moi'- 
tify her. 

Fan?)//. Fie, sister ! how could you be so abominably 
provoking 1 

JMiss Stcr. Oh, I have no patience with the pride of your 
city-knight's ladies — Did you ever observe the airs of La- 
dy Lutestring drest in the richest brocade out of her hus- 
band's shop, playing crown whist at Haberdasher's Hall 
— whilst the civil smirking Sir Joseph, with a snug wig 
trimmed round his broad face as close as a new-cut yew- 
hedge, and his shoes so black that they shine again, stands 
all day in his shop, fastened to his counter like a bad shil- 

Fannji. Indeed, indeed, sistei", this is too much — If you 
talk at this rate, you will be absolutely a bye-word in the 
city — You must never venture on the inside of Temple- 
Bar again. 

Miss Stcr. Never do I desire it — never, my dear Fan- 
ny, I promise you. Oh, how I long to be transported to 
the dear regions of Grosvenor Square — far — far from the 
dull districts of Aldersgate, Cheap, Candlewick, and Far- 
ringdon Without and VV^ithin ! Aly heart goes pit-a-pat 
at the very idea of being introduced at Court! gilt cha- 
riot! pie-balled horses — laced liveries ! and then the whis- 
pers buzzing round the circle — ' Who is that young lady] 
who is she V ' Lady Melvil, Ma'am !' Lady Melvil ! 
My ears tingle at the sound. And then at Dinner, in.stead 

of my father perpetually asking ' Any news upon 

'Change V — to cry, ' Well, Sir John ! anything new from 
Arthur's !' — or — to say to Gome other woman of quality, 
' Was your ladyship at the Duchess of Rubber's last 
night 1 Did you call in at Lady Thunder's 1 In the im- 
mensity of the crowd I swear 1 did not see you — scarce a 
soul at the opera, last Saturday — shall I see you at St. 
James's next Thursday V Oh, the dear Beau-Monde ! I 
was born to move in the sphere of the great world. 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE, 17 

Fanny. And so, in the midst of all this happir.ess, you 
have no compassion for me — no pity for us poor mortals 
in common life. 

Miss Stcr. \Affecte.Jh/.\ Yonl You're above pity — you 
would not change conditions with mc — You're over head 
and ears in love, you know. Nay, for that matter, if Mr. 
Lovewell and you come togethei-, as I doubt not you will, 
vou will live very comfortably, I dare say. He will mind 
ins business — you'll employ yourself in the delightful cure 
of your family — and once in a season, perhaps, you'll sit 
together in a front box at a benetit play, as we used to do 
at our dancing master's, you know — and perhaps I may 
meet you in the summer with some other citizens, at Tun- 
bridge. For my part, I shall always entertain a proper 
regard for my relations. You sha'n't want my counte- 
nance, I assure you. 

Fanny. Ob, you are too kind, sister ! 

Enter Mrs. Heidelberg, r. 

Mrs. Hei. \Af entering.] Here this evening! — I vow and 
pertest, Vv'e shall scarce have time to provide for them. — 
[To Miss Ster.\ Oh, my dear ! I am glad to see you're not 
quite in a dish-abille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil 
will be here to-night. [Fanny retires hacJc and sits. 

Miss Ster. To-night, ma'am 1 

Mrs. Hei. Yes, my dear, to-night. Oh, put on a smarter 
cap, and change those ordinary ruffles ! — Lord, I have such 
a deal to do, I shall scarce have time to slip on my Italian 
lutestring. Where is this dawdle of a housekeeper 1 

Enter Mrs. Trusty, l. 
Oh, here, Trusty ! do you know that peoj^le of quality are 
expected here this evening 1 

Trusty. Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Hei. Well — Do you be sui-e, now, that every thing 
is done in the most genteelest manner — and to the honour 
11 f the family. 

Trusty. Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Hei. Well — but mind what I say to you. 

Trusty. Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Hei. His lorcit;hip is to lie in the chintz bed-cham- 
ber; d'ye hear ? and Sir Jolm in the blue damask room 
His lordship's valet-dc-shamb in the opposite — 



18 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [A«r I. 

Trust)/. Biit Mr. Lovewell is come down ; and you 
know that's his room, ma'am. 

Mrs. He/. Well, well ; Mr. Lovewell may make shift, or 
get a bed at the George. But hark ye. Trusty ! 

Trust}/. Ma'am ! 

Mrs. Hei. Get the great dining-room in order as soon 
as possible. Unpaper the curtains, take the kivers off" the 
couch and the chairs, and put the china figures on the man- 
tle-piece immediately, and set their heads a-nodding. 

Trusty. Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Hci. Be gone, then ! fly this instant. Where's my 
brother Sterling "? 

Trustij. Talking to the butler, ma'am. 

[Fanni/ rises and advances. 

Mrs. Hei. (c.) Very well, [Exit TruUy, r.J Miss Fan- 
ny ! I pertest 1 did not see you before. Lord, child, what's 
the matter with you % 

Fanny, (l.) With me ! Nothing, ma'am! 

Mrs. Hei. Bless me ! Why, your face is as pale, and 
black, and yellow — of fifty colours, I pertest. And then 
you have dressed yourself as loose, and as big — I declare 
there is not such a thing to be seen, now, as a young wo- 
man with a fine waist — You all make yourselves as round 
as Mrs. Deputy Barter. Go, child ! — You know the qua- 
laty will be here by and bye — Go, and make yourself a 
little more fit to be seen. [Exit Fanny, l.] She is gone 
away in tears — absolutely crying, I vow and pertest. 
This ridicalous love ! we must put a stop to it. It makes 
a perfect natural of the girl. 

Miss Stcr. {n. c.) Poor soul ! she can't help it. 

Mrs. Hei. Well, my dear; now I shall have an oppor- 
Voonity of convincing you of the absurdity of what you 
was telling me concerning Sir John Melvil's behaviour to 
you. 

Miss Ster. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness. 
But, indeed, ma'am, I cannot be persuaded but that Sir 
John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant civility, 
grave looks, and lukewarm professions of esteem for me 
and the whole family ! I have heard of flames and darts, 
but Sir John's is a passion of mere ice and snow. 

Mrs. Hci. Oh, fie, my dear ! I am perfectly asliaiied of 
you. That's so like the notions of your poor sister. What 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 19 

you corriplain of as coldness and indifference, is nothing 
but the extreme gentilaty of his address, an exact pictur 
of tlie manners of qualaty. 

Miss Ster. Oh, he is the very mirror of complaisance ! 
full of formal bows and set speeches ! I declare, if there 
was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jea- 
lous of him. 

J\Iis. Hei. T say jealus, indeed ! Jealus of who, pray] 

M Si Ster. My sister Fanny. She seems a much greater 
favourite than 1 am, and he pays her inKnitely more atten- 
tion, I assure you. 

Mrs. Hie. Lord ! dy'ye think a man of fashion, as he 
is, can't distinguish between the genteel and the wulgai 
part of the famaly 1 — Between you and your sister, for in- 
stance — or me and my brother ? — Be advised by me, child : 
It is all purliteness and good breeding. Nobody know 
the qualaty better than I do. 

Miss Ster. In my mind, the old lord, his uncle, has ten 
times more gallantry about him than Sir John. He is full 
of attentions to the ladies, and smiles, and grins, and leers, 
and ogles, and fills every wrinkle of his old wizen face 
with comical expressions of tenderness. I think he would 
make an admirable swecstheart. 

Enter Sterling, l. 

Sler. [En(eri?ig.] No fish ? Why, the pond was drag- 
ged but yesterday morning. There's carp and trench in 
the boat. Pox on't, if that dog Lovewell Iiad any thought, 
he would have brought down a turbot, or some of the 
land-carriage mackerel. 

Mrs. Hie. Lord, brother, I am afraid his lordship and Sir 
John will not arrive while it is light. 

Ster. I warrant you. But pray, sister Heidelberg, let 
the turtle be dressed to-morrow, and some venison — and 
let the gardener cut some pine-apples — and get out some 
ice. I'll answer for wine, I warrant you. I'll give thera 
such a glass of Champagne as they never drank in their 
lives — no, not at a duke's table. 

Mrs. Hei. Pray, now, brother, mind how you behave. J 
am always in a fright about you with people of qualaty 
Take care that you don't fall asleep directly after supper, 
as you commonly do. Take a good deal of snuff', and 



20 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act 11 

that will keep you awake — and don't burst out with youi 
horrible loud horse-laughs. It is monstrous wulgar. 
S/cr. Never fear, sister ! Who have we here 1 
Airs. Hi'i. It is Mounseer Cantoon, the Swish gentlcmai), 
that lives with his lordship, I vow and pertest. 

Enter Canton, l. 

Stcr. Ah, mounseer ! your servant, I am very glad to 
see you, mounseer. 

Cant, (l.) Mosh oblige to Monsieur Sterling. Ma'am, 
I am yours. Matemoiselle, I am yours. [Boii-ing round. 

Mrs. Hei. (c.) Your humble servant, Mr. Cantoon! 

Cont. (l.) I kiss your hands, matam. 

Ster. Well, mounseer! and what news of your good 
family 1 When are we to see his Lordship and Sir John 1 

Cant. Monsieur Sterling! Milor Ogleby and Sir Jean 
Melvil will be here in one quarter-hour. 

Sler. I am glad to hear it. 

Mrs. Hei. Oh, I am perdigious glad to hear it. Being 
so late, I was afeard of some accident. Will you please 
to have anything, Mr. Cantoon, after your journey 1 

Cant. No, I tank you, ma'am. 

Mrs. Hei. Shall I go and show you the apartments, sir 1 

Cant. You do me great honneur, ma'am. 

Mrs. H. Come, then. — [ To Miss Stcr.] Come, my dear ! 
Cantoti crosses to R., and exits with Mrs. H. and Miss Ster., 
hoioing and 2^rotesting they do him too 7nuch honnevr. 

Stcr. Pox on't, it's almost dark. It will be too late to 
go round the garden this evening. However, I will carry 
them to take a peep at my fine canal at least, I am detei-- 
mined. [Exit, k. 

END OF ACT ONE. 



ACT II. 

Scene I, — An Antc-r.hamhcr to Lord Oglehifs Bed-cham- 
ber. Table with chocolate, and si?iall case for medicines. 

Enter Brvsu, my Lord's Valet-de-Chambre, and Sterling's 
Chainbcrmaid. 

Brush, You shall stay, my deai' I insist upon it 



ScEHE I.] THE CLANDESTINE MAKRIAGE 21 

Chamh. Nay, pniy, sir, tlon'l be so positive; I can't 
stay, indeed. 

Brush. You shall take one cup to our better acquaint- 
ance. 

Cliamh. I seldom drinks chocolate; and if I did, one 
has no satisfaction with such apprehensions about one. If 
my lord should awake, or the JSwish gentleman should see 
one, or Madam Heidelberg should know of it, I should 
be frighted to death : besides, I have had my tea alrea- 
dy this morning — I'm sure 1 hear my lord. \FrigJitencd. 

Brush. No, no, madam, don't flutter yourself — the mo- 
ment my lord wakes, he rings his bell, which I answer 
sooner or later, as it suits my convenience. 

Chamh. But should he come upon us without ringing 1 

Brush. I'll forgive him if he does. This key — [Point- 
ing to a range of' phials] — locks him up, till I please to let 
him out. 

Chamb. Law, sir ! that's potecary's stuff. 

Bn/sh. It is so : but without this he can no more get 
out of bed, than he can read without spectacles. [.S'/y^.y.] 
What with qualms, age, rheumatisms, and a few surfeits 
in his youth, he must have a great deal of brushing, oiling, 
screwing, and winding up, to set him a-going for the day. 

Chamb. [S/j>s.] That's prodigious indeed. [Sij^s.] My 
lord seems quite in a decay. 

Brush. Yes, he's quite a spectacle, [,9?/>.s] a mere corpse, 
till he is revived and refreshed from our little magazine 
here. When the restorative pills and cordial waters warm 
his stomach, and get into his head, vanity frisks in his 
lieart, and then he sets up for the lover, the rake, and the 
fine gentleman. 

C/iamh. [Sips^^ Poor gentleman ! but should the Swish 
gentleman come upon us 1 [Frightened. 

Brush. Why then the English gentleman would be very 
angry. No foreigner must break in upon my privacy,. 
[»S//^.«.J But 1 can assure you Mr. Canton is otherwise em- 
ployed — he is obliged to skim the cream of half a score 
newspapers for my lord's breakfast. Pray, madam, drink 
your cup peaceably. My lord's chocolate is rem.arkably 
good — he won't touch a drop, but what comes from Italy. 

Gliamh. [Sijyping.] 'Tis very fine, indeed ! [sips] and 
charmingly perfumed — it smells for all the world like our 
young ladies' dressing boxes. 



22 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II 

BnisJi. You have an excellent taste, madam, and I must 
beg of you to accept of a few cakes for your own drinking, 
[rise and adrance] and in return I desire nothing but to 
taste the perfume of your lips. [Kissivg her.] A small re- 
turn of favors, madam, will make, I hope, this country and 
retirement agreeable to both. [ He bows, sJtc courtsics ; re- 
turn, and sit again.] Your young ladies are fine girls, failh : 
\sips] tho', upon my soul, I am quite of my old lord's 
opinion about them, and were I inclined to matrimony, 
I should take the youngest. [Sips. 

Chamh. Miss Faimy's the most affablest and the most 
best natur'd creter ! 

Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or so — 

Chamb. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn him- 
self — but this I say quite confidential to you ; for one 
would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. [Sips. 

Brush. By no means ; but you can't hurt it with us — we 
Jon't consider tempers — we wan't money, Mrs. Nancy; 
give us enough of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other 
particulars. 

Chamh. Bless me, here's somebody — [hell rings] — O ! 
'tis my lord — Well, your servant, Mr. Brush — I'll clean the 
cups in the next room. 

Brush. Do 60 — but never mind the bell — T shan't go 
this half hour. Will you drink tea with me in the after- 
noon ? 

Chamb. Not for the world, Mr. Brush. I'll be here to 
set all things to righis — but I must not drink tea, indeed, 
and so your servant. [Bell 7-ings. — Exit, icith tea-board,, l. 

Brush. It is impossible to stupify one's self in the coun- 
try for a week, without jome little flirting with the Abi- 
gails : this is much the handsomest wench in the house, 
except the old citizen's youngest daughter, and I have 
not time enough to lay a plan for her. [Bell rings.^ And 
now I'll go to my Lord, for I have nothing else to do. 

[Going. 

Enter Canton, (r.) wiih iieicspapers in his hand. 

Cant. Monsieur Brush — Maitre Brush — my lor stirra 
yet? 

Brush. He has just rung his bfc/11 — I am going to him. 

[Exit, Brush. 



ScemeI.] the clandestine marriage. 23 

Cant. Depechez-vous done. [Puts on spectacles.] I wish 
de Deveil had all dese papiers — I forget as fast as I read 
— De Advertise put out of my head de Gazette, de Ga- 
zette de Cronique, and so dey all go I'un apres I'autre — I 
must get some nouvelle for my lor, or he'ell be enrage 
contre moi — Voyons ! [Reads the Papcrs.\ Here is nothing 
but Anti-Sejanus et advertise — 

Enter Maid with chocolate things. 

Vat you vant, child % 

Chamh. Only the chocolate things, sir. 

Cant. Oh, ver well — dat is good girl — and very prit, too. 

[Exit Maid. 

Lord Ogl. [ Within.\ Canton, he, he, [cojighs] Canton ! 

Cant. I come, my lor — vat shall I do ? — 1 have no news 
— He will make great tintamarre ! — 

Lord Ogl. [ Within.\ Canton, I say. Canton ! Where 
are you 1 

Enter Lord Ogleby, leaning on Brush. 

Cant. Here, my lor; I ask pardon, my lor; I have not 
finish de papiers — 

Lord Ogl. Damn your pardon, and your papiers, — I 
want you here. Canton. 

Cant. Den I run, dat is all. [Shuffles along. 

[Lord Ogleby leans upon Canton too, and comes 
forward. 

Lord Ogl. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mix- 
ture — you have the language and impertinence of the 
French, with the laziness of Dutchmen. 

Cant. 'Tis very true, my lor — I can't help — 

Lord Ogl. [Cries out\ O, Diavolo ! 

Cant. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor. 

Lord Ogl. Indeed but I am, my lor. That vulgar fel- 
low. Sterling, with his city politeness, would force me 
down his slope last night, to see a clay-coloured ditch, 
which he calls a canal ; and what with the dew, and the 
East wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screwed 
to my body. 

Cunt. A littel veritable eau d'arquibusade vill set all to 
right again. 

[My lord sits down in an easy-chair, and Brush givei 
him chocolate. 



24 THE CLANDESTIME MARRIAGE. [AcT II 

Lord OgL Where are the palsy drops, Brush 1 

Brush. Here, my lord ! \Pourivg out. 

■Lord Ogl. Quelle nouvelle avez-vous, Canton ] 

Cant. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. 

Lord Ogl. What ! nothing at all, you stupid fellow ? 

Cant. Yes, my lor, I have a little advertise here vil give 
you more plaisir den all de lyes about nothing at all. La 
voila ! [Puts on his sjjcctacles. 

Lord Ogl. Come, read it. Canton, with good emphasis 
and discretion. 

Cant. J. vil, my lor. [Cant rcads.^^ Dere is no question, 
but that the Cosmetique Royale vil utterlie take away all 
heats, pimps, frecks, oder eruptions of de skin, and like- 
wise de wrinque of old age, &c. &c. — A great deal more, 
my loi" — be sure to ask for de Cosmetique Royale, signed 
by de Docteur own hand. Dere is more raison for dis 
caution dan good men vil tink. — Eh bien, my lor 'i 

Lord Ogl. Eh bien, Canton, will you purchase any 1 

Cant. For you, my lor 1 

Lord Ogl. For me, you old puppy ! for what % 

Cant. My lor ? 

Lord Ogl. Do I want cosmetics ? 

Ca7it. My lor ? 

Lord Ogl. Look in my face. Come, be sincere. Does 
it want the assistance of art 1 

Cant. [With his Spectacles.] En verite non. 'Tis very 
smoose and brillian — but tote dat you might take a litle by 
way of prevention. 

Lord Ogl. You thought like an old fool. Monsieur, as 
you generally do — The surfeit water, Brush ! [Brush 
pours 02it.] What do you think, Brush of this family, we 
are going to be connected with 1 Eh ? 

Brush. Vei'y well to marry in, my lord ; but it would 
not do to live with. 

Lord Ogl. You are right, Brush. There is no washing 
the blackamoor white — Mr. Sterling will never get rid of 
Blackfriars, always taste of the Borachio ; and the poor 
woman, his sister, is so busy and so notable to make one 
welcome, that I have not yet got over her first reception ; 
it almost amounted to suffocation ! I think the daughters 
are tolerable — Where's my cephalic snuff] 

I Brush gives hi?7i a box. 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTIXE MARRIAGE. 25 

Cant. Dey tink so of you, my lor, for dey look at no 
ling else, ma foi. 

Lord Ogl. Did they ? Why, I think they did a little — 
AVhere's my glass 1 [BrusJi puts one on the tahle.] The 
youngest is delectable. \^Takes snuff. 

Cant. O oui, my lor, very delect, inteed ; she made doux 
yeux at you, my lor. 

Lord Oi^I. She was particular. The eldest, my ne- 
phew's lady, will be a most valuable wife ; she has all the 
vulgar spirits of her father and aunt, happily blended with 
the termagant qualities of her deceased mother. — Some 
peppermint water, Brush I — How happy is it, Cant,, for 
young ladies in general, that people of quality overlook 
every thing in a marriage contract but their fortune. 
Cant. C'est bien heureux, et commode aussi. 
Lord Ogl. Brush, give me that pamphlet by my bedside. 
[Brush goes Jor it.] Canton, do you wait in the ante-cham- 
ber, and let no one interrupt me till I call you. 

Cant. Mush good may do your lordship ! \E.vit, r. 

Lord Ogl. [To Brush, who brings the fampldet.\ And 
now, Brush, leave me a little to my studies. 

[Exit Brusli, L. 
Liord Ogl. [Alo7ie.\ What can I possibly do among these 
women, here, with this confounded rlieumatism % It is a 
most grievous enemy to gallantry and address. [Iiise^.\ 
He ! Courage, my lor! by heavens, I'm another creature. 
[Hums and dances a little.] It will do, faith. Bravo, my 
lor! These girls have absolutely inspired me. If they 
are for a game of romps — me voila pret ! [Sings and dan- 
ces.] Oh — that's an ugly twinge — but it's gone. I have 
rather too much of the lily this morning in my complex 
ion ; a faint tincture of the rose will give a delicate spi- 
rit to my eyes for the day. [ TJnlochs a drawer at the hot- 
torn of the glass, and takes out rouge; while he's pamtiug 
himself, r, hnoching at the door.] Who's there 1 I won't be 
disturbed. 

Cant. [ Without, r.] My lor, my lor, here is Monsieur 
Stei-ling to pay his devoir to you this morn in your cham- 
bre. 

Lord Ogl. [Softh/.] What a fellow \—\Aloud:\ I am ex- 
tremely honoured by Mr. Sterling. Why don't you see 
him in, Monsieui 1 I wish he was at the bottom of his 
C 



26 THE CLANDESTINE ftiARRIAGE. [Act 11 

Stinking canal. [Door opens.] Oh, my dear Mr. Sterling 
you do me a great deal of honour. 

Enter Canton, Sterling, and Lovewell, r. 

Ster. I hope, my lord, that your lordship slept well ii 
the night — 1 believe there are no better beds in Europe 
than I have — I spare no pains to get 'em, nor money to 
buy them — His Majesty, God bless him, don't sleep upon 
a better out of his palace ; and if I had said in too, I hope 
no treason, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Your beds are like everything else about 
you — incomparable. They not only make one rest well, 
but give one spirits, Mr. Sterling. 

Sler. What say you, then, my lord, to another walk in 
the garden 1 You must see my water by daylight, and 
my walks, and my slopes, and my clumps, and my bridge, 
and my flowering trees, and my bed of Dutch tulips. Mat- 
ters looked but dim last night, my lord ; I feel the dew in 
my great toe — but I would put on a cut shoe, that I might 
be able to walk you about. I may be laid up to-morrow. 

Lord Ogl. \ Aside.] I pray heaven you may ! 

Ster. What say you, my lord ] 

Lord Ogl. I was saying, sir, that I was in hopes of see 
ing the young ladies at breakfast. Mr. Sterling, they are, 
in my mind, the finest tulips in this part of the world — 
he! he! 

Cant. (l. c.) Bravissimo, my lor — ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Ster. They shall meet your lordship in the garden — we 
don't lose our walk for them ; I'll take you a little round 
before breakfast, and a larger before dinner, and in the 
evening you shall go to the Grand Tower, as I call it — 
ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Lord Ogl. (c.) Not a foot, I hope, Mr. Sterling — con- 
sider your gout, my good friend. You'll certainly be laid 
by the heels for your politeness. 

Cant. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 'Tis admirable ! en verite ! 

[Laugl/ing very heanily. 

Ster. (r. c.) If my young man [To Lororell] here 
would but laugh at my jokes, which he ought to do, as 
Mounseer does at yours, my lord, we should be all life 
and mirth. 

Lord Ogl. Wha say you, Cant., will you take my 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 27 

kinsman into your tuition? You have certn'nly the most 
companionable laugh I evei" met with, and never out of 
tune — 

Cant. But when your lordship is out of spirits. 

Lord OiiL Well said, Cant. ; but here comes my ne- 
phew to play his part. 

Enter Sir John Melvil, n. 

Well, Sir John, what news from the island of Love ? have 
you been sighing and serenading this morning 1 

Sir John. I am glad to see your loi'dship in such spi- 
rits this morning. 

Lord Ogl. I'm sorry to see you so dull, sir. What poor 
things, Mr. Sterling, these very young fellows are ! they 
make love with faces, as if they were burying the dead ; 
though, indeed, a marriage sometimes may be properly 
called a burying of the living — eh, Mr. Sterling 1 

Sfer. Not if they have enough to live upon, my lord — 
Ha! ha! ha! 

Cant. Dat is all Monsieur Sterling link of. 

Sir Jolm. \Apart fo Loveice/l.] Pr'ythee, Lovewell, 
come with me into the garden ; I have something of con- 
sequence for you, and 1 must communicate it directly. 

Lov. We'll go together. — If your lordship and Mr. 
Sterling please, we'll prepare the ladies to attend you in 
the garden. [Exeunt Sir John and LovcweJl, r. 

Stcr. My girls are always ready; I make 'em rise soon 
and to bed early ; their husbands shall have 'em with good 
constitutions and good fortunes, if they have nothing else. 
my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Fine things, Mr. Sterling ! 

Stcr. Fine things, indeed, my lord ! Ah, my lord, had 
not you run off your speed in your youth, you had not 
been so crippled in your age, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Very pleasant. [Half laughing. 

Stcr. Here's Mounseer, now, I suppose, is pretty near 
your lordship's standing ; but having little to eat, and lit- 
tle to spend, in his own country, lie'll wear three of your 
lordship out — eating and drinking kills us all. 

Ijord Ogl. Very pleasant, 1 protest. — [Jls/Jf.J What a 
vulgar dog ! 

Cant. My lor so old as me ? He is chicken to me, and 
look like a boy to pauvro me. 



28 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II 

Star. Ha ! ha ! ha! Well said, Mounseer — keep to that, 
and you'll live in any country of the world — Ha ! ha ! ha! 
But, my lord, I will wait upon you in the garden ; we 
have but a little time to breakfast — I'll go for my hat and 
cane, fetch a little walk with you, my lord, and then for 
the hot rolls an J butter ! [Exit, r. 

Lord Ogl. I shall attend you with pleasure. Hot rolls 
and butter in July ! I sweat with the thoughts of it. VVhat 
a strange beast it is ! 

Cant. C'est un barbare. 

Lord Ogl. He is a vulgar dog, and if there was not Sf» 
much money in the family, which I can't do without, 1 
would leave him and his hot rolls and butter directly. 
Come along, Monsieur ! [Exeunt Lord Ogl. ond Cant., R. 

Scene H. — A Garden. 
Enter Sir John Melvii, and Lovewell, l. 

Lav. In my room this morning? Impossible. 

Sir John. Befoj-e live this morning, I promise you. 

Lov. On what occasion ] 

Sir John. I was so anxious to disclose my mind to you, 
that I could not sleep in my bed — but 1 found that you 
could not sleep neither — the bird was flown, and the nest 
long since cold. Where was you, Lovewell '? 

Loc. Pooh! prithee! ridiculous! 

air John. Come, now, which was it 1 Miss Sterling's 
maid ? a pretty little rogue ! or Miss Fanny's Abigail ] a 
sweet soul too — or — 

Lov. Nay, nay, leave trifling, and tell me your busi- 
ness. 

air Johi. Well, but where was you, Lovewelll 

Lov. VValkinjr — writing: — what sio^nifies where I was 1 

air John. Walking! yes, I dare say. It rained as hard 
as it could pour. Sweet refreshing showers to walk in! 
No, no, Lovewell. Now would I give twenty pounds to 
know which of the maids — 

Lov. But your business — your business. Sir John ! 

Sir John. Let me a little into the secrets of the family 

Lov. Psha ! 

Sir John. [Aside.] Poor Lovewell, he can't bear it, I 
see. — [Aloud.] She charged you -ot to kiss and tell — eh, 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 29 

Lovewell 1 However, though you will not honour me 
with your confidence, I'll venture to trust you with mine. 
What do you think of Miss Sterling ] 

Lor. What do 1 think of Miss Sterling 1 

Sir John. Ay, what d'ye think of herl 

Ijov. An odd question ! J3ut 1 think her a smart, lively 
girl, full of mirth and sprightliness. 

air John. All mischief and malice, I doubt not. 

J^ov. How % 

Sir John, But her person, what d'ye think af that? 
' Lov. Pretty and agreeable. 

Sir John. An awkward creature. 

Lov. What is the meaning of all this 1 

Sir John. I'll tell you. You must know, Lovewell, tlial 
notwithstanding all appearances — \ Seeing Lord Oii;hbi/ 
(^r.] — We are interrupted : when they are gone, I'll ex- 
plain. 

Enter Loud Ogi.eby, Sterling, Mrs. Heiuelberg, Miss 
Sterling, and Fanny, l. s. e. 

Lord Ogl. (c.) Great improvements, indeed, Mr. Ster- 
ling! wonderful improvements! The Four Seasons in 
Lead, the Flying Mercury, and the basin with Neptune 
in the middle, are all in the very extreme of fine taste. 
You have as many rich figures as the man at Hyde Park 
Corner. 

Ster. (r. c.) The chief pleasure of a country house is 
to make improvements, you know, my lord. I spare no 
expense, not L This is quite another guess sort of a place 
than it was when I first took it, my lord. We were sur- 
rounded with trees. I cut down above fifty to make the 
lawn before the house, and let in the wind and the sun — 
sir.ack-smooth — as you see. Then I made a green-house 
out of the old laundry, and turned the brew-house into 
a pinery. The high octagon summer-house, you see yon- 
der, is raised on the m.ast of a ship, given me by an East 
India captain, who has turned many a thousand of my 
money. It commands the whole road. All the coaches, 
and chariots, and chaises pass and repass under your eye. 
I'll mount you up there in the afternoon, my lord. 'Tis 
the pleasantest place in the world to take a pipe and a 
bottle; and so you .shall say, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Ay, or a bovl of punch, or a can of flip, Mr. 



30 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [4ctII. 

Sterling; for it looks like a cabin in the air. If flying 
chairs were in use, the captain might make a voyage to 
the Indies in it still, if he had but a fair wind. 

Cant. Ha! ha! ha! ha! 

Mrs. Hei. (l. c.) My brother's a little comical in his 
ideas, my lord — but you'll excuse him. 1 have a little 
Gothic dairy, fitted up entirely in my own taste. In the 
evening I shall hope for the honour of your lordship's 
company to take a dish of tea there, or a syllabub warm 
from the cow. 

Lord OgJ. I have every moment a frosh oppoitunily of 
admiring the elegance of Mrs. Heidelberg — the very flow- 
er of delicacy, and cream of politeness. 

Mrs. Hei. Oh, mv lord ! | r t • . i ^i 

T 7 r^ J r\Tl J t i Leering at each other. 

Lord Ogl. Oh, madam ! ) >- ° 

Strr. How d'ye like these close walks, my lord 1 

Lord Ogl. A most excellent serpentine ! It forms a 
perfect maze, and winds like a true lover's knot. 

Stcr. Ay, here's none of your straight lines here — but 
all taste — zig-zag — crinkum-crankum — in and out — right 
and left — to and again — twisting and turning like a worm, 
my lord ! 

Lord Ogl. Admirably laid out, indeed, Mr. Sterling! 
one can hardly see an inch beyond one's nose anywhere 
in these walks. You are a most excellent economist of 
your land, and make a little go a great way. It lies to- 
gether in as small parcels as if it was placed in pots out 
at your window in Gracechurch street. 

Cant. Ha! ha! ha! ha! 

Lord Ogl. What d'ye laugh at, Canton ? 

Cant. Ah ! que cette similitude est drole ! So clever 
what you say, my lor ! 

Lord Ogl. [ To Fanny. ^ You seem mightily engaged, 
madam. What are those pretty hands so busily employed 
about ■? 

Fanny. Only making up a nosegay, my lord. Will 
y )ur lordship do me the honour of accepting it 1 

\P resenting it. 

Lord Ogl. I'll wear it next my heart, madam ! [^/;a?"^.] 
I see, the young creature doats on me ! 

Miss Stcr. Lord, sister ! you've loaded his lordship with 
a bunch of flowei s as big as the cook or the nurse carry 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MAKRIAGE. 31 

to town on Monday morning foi* a beau-pot. Will your 
lordsliip give me leave to present you with this rose and 
a sprig of sweet-briar ? 

Lord O^I. The truest emblems of yourself, madam ! all 
sweetness and poignancy. — [ylyw^^.j A little jealous, poor 
soul ! 

Stcr. Now, my lord, if you please, I'll carry you to see 
my ruins. 

Mrs. Hr.i. You'll absolutely fatigue his lordship with 
over-walking, brother. 

Lord O4J. Not at all, madam. We're in the garden of 
Eden, you know ; in the region of perpetual sjiring, youth, 
and beauty. [Leering at the women, ic/io stand, l. 

]\lrs. Hri, [Apart.\ Quite the man of qualaty, I pertest. 

Cant. 'J'ake a my arm, my lor. [Lord O. leans on him. 

Ster. I'll only show his lordship my ruins, and the cas- 
cade, and the Chinese bridge, and then we'll go in to break- 
fast. 

Lord Ogl. Ruins, did you say, Mr. Sterling ? 

Stcr. Ay, ruins, my lord ! and they are reckoned very 
fine ones, too. You would think them ready to tumble on 
your head. It has just cost me a hundred and fifty pounds 
to put my ruins in thorough repair. This way, if your 
lordship pleases. 

Lord Ogf. [Going, stops.] What steeple's that we see 
yonder] — the parish church, I suppose. 

Stcr. Ha ! ha ha ! tliat's admirable. It is no church 
at all, my lord ! it is a spire that I have built against a 
tree, a field or two off", to terminate the prospect. One 
must always have a church, or an obelisk, or something 
to terminate the prospect, you know. That's a rule in 
taste, my lord ! 

Lord Ogl. (c.) Very ingenious, indeed ! For my part, 
I desire no finer prospect than I see before me. [Tjcering 
at the women.] Simple, yet varied : bounded, yet exten- 
sive. — Get away. Canton ! [Pushing area ij Canton.^ I want 
no assistance — I'll walk with the ladies. 

Ster. This way, my lord ! 

Lord Ogl. Lead on, sir ! — We young folks will follow 
you. Madam! — Miss Sterling ! — Miss Fanny! — I attend 
you. \Exit af'e.r Sterling, gallanting the ladies. 

Cant. \Following.\ He is cock o' de game, ma foi ! 



32 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II. 

[Exit. — Sir John Melvil and Lovcu-ell come forivard. 

Sir JoJm. At length, thank heaven, 1 have an opportu- 
nity to unbosom. — I know you are faithful, Lovewell, and 
flatter myself you would rejoice to serve me. 

Lov. Be assured, you may depend on me. 

.b'?> John. You must know, then, notwithstanding all ap- 
pearances, that this treaty of marriage between Miss Ster- 
iiiig and me will come to nothing. 

Lov. How! 

Sir John. It will be no match, Lovewell. 

Lov. No match 1 

Sir John. No. 

Lov. You amaze me. What should prevent it ? 

Sir John. I. 

Lov. You ! wherefore 1 

Sir John. I don't like her. 

Lov. Very plain indeed ! I never supposed that you 
was extremely devoted to her from inclination, but thought 
you always considered it as a matter of convenience, ra- 
ther than afl'ection. 

Sir John. Very true. I came into the family without 
any impression on my mind — with an unimpassioned in- 
difference, ready to receive one woman as well as another. 
1 looked uptm love, serious, sober love, as a chimera, and 
marriage as a thing of course, as you know most people 
do. But I, who was lately so great an inhdel in love, am 
now one of its sincerest votaries. In short, my defection 
from Miss Sterling proceeds from the violence of my at- 
tachment to another. 

hov. (r. c.) Another ! So, so ! here will be fine work. 
And pray, who is she ? 

Sir John, (c.) Who is she % who can she be, but Fanny, 
the tender, amiable, engaging Fanny % 

Lov. Fanny ! What Fanny ] 

Sir John. Fanny Sterling; her sister. Is she not an an- 
gel, Lovewell 1 

Lov. Her sister ? Confusion ! — You must not think of 
it. Sir John. 

Sir John. Not think of it 1 I can think of nothing else. 
Nay, tell me, Lovewell ! was it possible for me to be in-' 
dulged in a perpetual intercourse with two such objects as 
Fanny and her sister, and not find my heart led by insen- 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 33 

sible attraction towards her ] You seem confounded ! 
Why don't you answer me 1 

hov. Indeed, Sir John, this event gives me infinite con- 
cern. 

air John. Why so 1 Is she not an angel, Lovewell ? 

Lov. I foresee that it must produce the worst conse- 
quences. Consider the confusion it must unavoidably 
create. Let me persuade you to drop these thoughts in 
time. 

Sir John. Never — never, Lovewell ! 

Lov. You have gone too far to recede. A negociation, 
so nearly concluded, cannot be broken off with any grace. 
The lawyers, you know, are hourly expected ; the preli- 
minaries almost finally settled between Lord Ogleby and 
Mr. Sterling ; and Miss Sterling herself ready to receive 
you as a husband. 

Sir John. Why, the banns have been published, and no- 
body has forbidden them, 'tis true. But you know either 
of the parties may change their minds even after they en- 
ter the church. 

JjOV. You think too lightly of this matter. To carry 
your addresses so far — and then to desert her — and for 
her sister, too ! It will be such an affront to the family, 
that they can never put up with it. 

Sir John. 1 don't think so : for as to my transferi'ing my 
passion from her to her sister, so much the better ! for 
then, you know, I don't carry my affection out of the fa- 
mily. 

Lov. Nay, but prythee, be serious, and think better of it. 

Sir John. I have thought better of it already, you see. 
Tell me honestly, Lovewell, can you blame me 1 Is there 
any comparison between them % 

Lov. As to that, now — Why, that — is just — ^just as it 
may strike different people. There are many admirers 
of Miss Sterling's vivacity. 

Sir John. Vivacity! a medley of Cheapside pcrtnesa. 
and Whitechapel pride. No, no, if I do go so far into the 
city for a wedding-dinner, it shall be upon turtle, at lea&t. 

Lav. But 1 see no probability of success ; for grantinc; 
that Mr. Sterling would have consented to it at first, hti 
cannot listen to it no. v. Why did not you break this aJ'- 
fair to the family before ] 



34 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act II 

Sir John. Under such embarrassed circumstances as I 
have been, can you wonder at my irresolution or perplexi- 
ty '? Nothinrr but des,pair, the fear of losing my dear Fan- 
ny, could bring me t'> a declaration even now ; and yet 1 
think I know Mr. Sterling so well, that strange as my pro- 
posal may appear, if I can make it advantageous to him as 
a money transaction, as I am sure I can, he will certainly 
fome into it. 

Lov. But even suppose he should, which I very much 
doubt, I don't think Fanny herself would listen to youi 
addresses. 

8ir John. You are deceived a little in that particular. 

Lov. You'll find I am in the right. 

Sir John, I have some Uttle reason to think otherwise. 

Loo. You have not declared your passion to her already] 

Sir John. Yes, I have. 

Lov. Indeed ! — And — and — how did she receive it 1 

Sir John. I think it is not very easy for me to make my 
addresses to any woman, without receiving some little en- 
couragement. 

Lov. Encouragement ! did she give you any encourage- 
ment % 

Sir John. I don't know what you call encouragement — 
but she blushed — and cried — and desired me not to think 
of it any more — upon which I pressed her hand — kissed it 
— swore she was an angel — and I could see it tickled her 
to the soul. 

Lov. And did she express no surprise at your declara- 
tion 1 

Sir John. Why, faith, to say the truth, she was a httle 
surprised — and she got away from me too, before I could 
thoroughly explain myself. If I should not meet with an 
opportunity of speaking to her, I must get you to deliver a 
letter for me. 

Lov. I ! a letter ! — I had rather have nothing — • 

Sir John. Nay, you promised me your assistance — and 
I am sure you cannot scruple to make yourself useful on 
such an occasion — You may, without suspicion, acquaint 
her verbally of my determined affection for her, and that I 
mn resolved to ask her father's consent. 

Lov. As to that, I — your commands, you know — that 
is, if she — Indeed, Sir John, I think you are in the wrcmg. 



ScEWE II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 35 

Sir John. Well — well — that's my concern — Ha ! there 
she goes, by heaven ! along that walk, yonder, d'ye see ? 
I'll go to her immediately. 

hov. You are too precipitate. Consider what you are 
doing ! 

Sir John. I would not lose this opportunity for the uni- 
verse. 

Liov. Nay, pray don't go ! Your violence and eagerness 
may overcome her spirits. The shock will be too much 
for her. [Detaining him. 

Sir John. Nothing shall prevent me. Ha ! now she turns 
into another walk — let me go ! [Breaks fro7n him.] I shall 
lose her. [Going, turns back.] Be sure now to keep out of 
the way ! If you interrupt us, I shall never forgive you. 

[Exit, hastily, r. 

Lov. (c ) 'Sdeath ! I can't bear this. In love with my 
wife ! acquaint me with his passion for her ! make his ad- 
dresses before my face ! I shall break out before my time 
- — This was the meaning of Fanny's uneasiness. She 
could not encourage him — I am sure she could not — Ha ! 
they are turning into the walk, and coming this way. Shall 
I leave the place ] — Leave him to solicit my wife ! I can't 
submit to it — They come nearer and nearer — If I stay, it 
will look suspicious — It may betray us and incense him — 
They are here — I must go — I am the most unfortunate 
fellow in the world. [Exit, l. 

Enter F ANNY,JvUo!rcd by Sir John, r. 

Fanny, (c.) Leave me. Sir John, I beseech you, leave 
me ; nay, why will you persist to follow me with idle soli- 
citations, which are an affront to my character, and an inju- 
ry to your own honour ? 

Sir John. (r. c.) I know your delicacy, and tremble to 
offend it ; but let the urgency of the occasion be my ex- 
cuse ! Consider, madam, that the future happiness of my 
hfe depends on my present application to you ! consider 
that this day must determine my fate ; and these are per- 
liaps the only moments left me to incline you to wan ant my 
passion, and to intreat you n "t to oppose the proposals I 
meat! to open to your father. 

Fanny. For shame, for shame, Sir John ! Think of your 
previous engagements ! Think of your own situation, 



36 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. TAcT If. 

arc! think of mitie ! What have you discovered in my con- 
duct that might encourage you to so bold a declaration 1 ] 
am shocked that you might venture to say so much, and 
blush that I should even dare to give it a hearing. — Let 
nie be gone ! 

Si?- John. Nay, stay madam, but one moment — Your 
sensibility is too great. Engagements ! what engagements 
have been pretended on either side more than those of fa- 
mily convenience'.' I went on in the trammels of matrimo- 
nial negociation with a blind submission to your father and 
Lord Ogleby ; but my heart soon claimed a right to be 
consulted. It has devoted itself to you, and obliges me 
to plead earnestly for the same tender interest in yours. 

Fanny. Have a care, Sir John ! do not mistake a de- 
praved will for a virtuous inclination. By these common 
pretences of the heart, half our sex are made fools, and a 
greater part of yours despise them for it. 

*S//- John. Aftcction, you will allow, is involuntary. We 
cannot always direct it to the object on which it should fix 
— But when it is once inviolably attached, inviolably as mine 
is to you, it often creates reciprocal affection. When I 
last urged you on this subject, you heard me with more 
temper, and I hoped with some compassion. 

Fanny. You deceived yourself. If I forbore to exert a 
proper spirit; nay, if I did not even express the quickest 
resentment of your behaviour, it was only in consideration 
of that respect I wish to pay you, in honour to my sister : 
and be assured, sir, woman as I am, that my vanity coujd 
reap no pleasure from a triumph that must result from the 
blackest treachery to her. \ Going. 

Sir John. One word, and I have done. \8toj)j)ing lier^ 
Your impatience and anxiety, and the urgency of the oc- 
ca.sion, oblige me to be biief and explicit with you — I ap- 
peal therefore from your delicacy to your justice. Your 
sister, I verily believe, neither entertains any real affectirn 
for me, or tenderness for you. Your father, I am inclined 
to think, is not much concerned by means of which of his 
daughters the families are united. Now, as they cannot, 
shall not be connected, otherwise than by my union with you, 
why will you, from a false delicacy, oppose a measure so 
conducive to my happiness, and, 1 hope, your own % I love 
you, most passionately an 1 sincerely love you — and I hope 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 37 

to propose tern:s agreeable to Mr. Sterling : — If then you 
don't absolutely loath, abhor, and scorn me — if there is no 
other ha2ipier man — 

Fanny. Hear me, sir, hear my final determination. 
Were my father and sister as insensible as you are pleased 
to represent them ; — were my heart for ever to remain 
disengaged to any other — I could not listen to your pi-opo- 
sals. VVhat ! you on the very eve of a marriage with my 
sister; I living under the same roof with her, bound not 
only by the laws of friendship and hospitality, but even the 
ties of blood, to contribute to her happiness — and not to 
conspire against her peace — the peace of a whole family — 
and that my own too ! — Away, away. Sir John ! — At such 
a time, and in such circumstances, your addresses only in- 
spire me with horror — Nay, you must detain me no longer 
— I will go. [Going, l. 

»S//' John. Do not leave me in absolute despair ! — Give 
me a glimpse of hope ! \FaUing on his knees, l. 

Fanny. I cannot. Pray, Sir John ! [Struggling to go. 

Sir John. Shall this hand be given to another 1 [Kissing 
her hand.] No— I cannot endure it — My whole soul is 
yours, and the whole happiness of my life is in your power. 

Enter Miss Sterling, r, u. e, 

Fanny, (l.) Ha ! My sister is here. Rise, for shame, 
Sir John ! 

Sir John. Miss Sterling ! [Rising. 

Miss Ster. (k.) I beg pardon, sir ! You'll excuse me, 
madam ! I have broke in upon you a little inopportunely, 
I believe — but I did not mean to interrupt you — I only 
came, sir, to let you know that breakfast waits, if you have 
finished your morning's devotions. 

Sir John, (r.) I am very sensible. Miss Sterling, that 
this may appear particular, but — 

Wiss Ster. (c.) O clear. Sir John, don't put yourself to 
the trouble of an apology. The thing explains itself. 

Sir John. It will soon, madam ! In the mean time I can 
only assure you of my profound respect and esteem for 
you, and inake no doubt of convincing Mr. Sterling of the 
honour and integrity of my intentions. And — and — your 
humble servant, madam ! [Exit, in confusion, r. 

Miss Ster. Respect % — Insolence ! — Esteem % — Very fine 
D 



38 THE CLANDFSTINE MARRI." GE. [Act II 

truly ! And you, madam ! my sweet, delicate, innocent, 
sentimental sister ! will you convince my papa, too, of the 
integrity of your intentions 1 

Fanny. Do not upbraid me, my dear sister ! Indeed I 
don't deserve it. Believe me, you can't be more offended 
at liis behaviour than I am, and 1 am sure it cannot make 
you half so miserable. 

Miss S(er. Make me miserable ! You are mightily 
deceived, madam ! It gives me no sort of uneasiness, I 
assure you. — A base fellow ! — As for you, miss ! the pre- 
tended softness of your disposition, your artful good-na- 
ture, never imposed upon me. I always knew you to be 
sly, and envious, and deceitful. 

Fanni/. Indeed, you wrong me. 

Miss Ster. Oh, you are all goodness, to be sure ! — Did 
not I find him on his knees before you ? Did not I see 
him kiss your sweet hand ] Did not I hear his protestva- 
tions 1 Was not I a witness of your dissembled modes- 
ty ? — No, no, my dear ! don't imagine that you can make 
a fool of your elder sister so easily. 

Fanny. Sir John, I own, is to blame ; but I am above 
the thoughts of doing you the least injury. 

Miss Stcr. We shall try that, madam! — I hope, miss, 
you'll be able to give a better account to my papa and my 
aunt — for they shall both know of this matter, I promise 
you. \Exit, R. 

Fanny. \^AIone.] How unhappy I am ! my distresses 
multiply upon me. Mr. Lovewell must now become ac- 
quainted with Sir John's behaviour to me — and in a man- 
ner that may add to his uneasiness. My father, instead of 
being disposed by fortunate circumstances to forgive any 
transgressions, will be previously incensed against rae. 
My sister and my aunt will become irreco7icilably my 
enemies, and rejoice in my disgrace. Yet, at all events, 
I am determined on a discovery. I dread it, and am re- 
solved to hasten it. It is surrounded with more horrors 
every instant, as it appears every instant more necessary. 

[Exit, R. 

END OF ACT II. 



ScEWE I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. '39 



ACT III. 

Scene J.— A Hall. 

Enter, ^.., a Servant, leadivg in Sergeant Flower, and 
Counsellors Traverse and Trueman — all hooted. 

Serv. This way, if you please, gentlemen ! my master 
is at breakfast with the family at present — but I'll let him 
know, and he'll wait on you immediately. 

Floicer. Mighty well, young man, mighty well. 

Serv. Please to favour me with your names, gentlemen. 

Floiccr. Let Mr. Sterling know, that Mr. Sergeant 
Flower, and two other gentlemen of the bar, are come to 
Avait on him, according to his appointment. 

Serv. I will, sir. [Going, i-. 

Flotccr. And harkee, young man. [Servant 7-cturns^ De- 
sire my servant — Mr. Sergeant Flower's servant — to bring 
in my green and gold saddle-cloth and pistols, and lay 
them down here in the hall with my portmanteau. 

Serv. 1 will, sir. [Exit, l. 

Floicer. Well, gentlemen ! the settling these marriage ar- 
ticles falls conveniently enough, almost just on the eve of 
the circuits. Let me see — the Home, the Midland, and 
Western ; ay, we can all cross the country well enough to 
our several destinations. Traverse, when do you begin at 
Hertford 1 

Traverse. The day after to-morrow. 

Flower. That is commission-day with us at Warwick 
too. But my clerk has retainers for every cause in the pa- 
per, so it will be time enough if I am there the next mor- 
ning. Besides, I have about half a dozen cases that have 
lain by me ever since the spring assizes, and 1 must tack 
opinions to them before I see my country clients again. 
So I will take the evening before me — and then currente 
calanw, ns I say — eh, Travei'se ? 

Traverse. True, Mr. Sergeant — and the easiest thing in 
the world too — for those country attorneys are such igno- 
rant dogs, that in case of the devise of an estate to A, and 
his heirs for ever, they'll make a query, whether he takes 
in fee or in tail. 



40 THE CLANDESTINE MAKKIAGE [Act III. 

Floicer. Do you expect to have much to do on the home 
circuit these assizes ? 

Traverse. Not much n?*jjorzw5 business, but a good deal 
on the crown side, I beheve. The gaols are brim full — 
and some of the felons in good circumstances, and likely 
to be tolerable clients. Let me see ; I am engaged for 
three highway robberies, three murders, one forgery, and 
half a dozen larcenies, at Kingston. 

Flower. A pretty decent gaol delivery ! Do you ex- 
pect to bring off Darking, for the robbery on Putney-Com- 
mon 1 Can you make out your alibi ? 

Traverse. Oh, no ! the crown witnesses are sui'e to prove 
our indentity. We shall certainly be hanged : but that 
doti't signify. But Mr. Sergeant, have you much to do ? 
, — any remarkable cause on the Midland this cii'cuit ? 

Floiver. Nothing very remarkable — except two rapes, 
and Rider and Western at Nottingham, for crini con ; — 
but, on the whole, I believe a good deal of business. Our 
associate tells me, there are above thirty venires for War- 
wick. 

Traverse. Pray, Mr. Sergeant, are you concerned in 
Jones and Thomas, at Linc(»ln 1 

Flower. I am — for the plaintiff. 

Traverse. And what do you think on't ] 

Floicer, A nonsuit. 

Traverse. I thought so. 

Flower. Oh, no manner of doubt on't — luce clarius — we 
have no right in us — we have but one chance. 

Traverse. What's that ] 

Floicer. Why, my Lord Chief does not go the circuit 
this time, and my brother Puzzle being in the commission, 
the cause will come on before him. 

Trueman. Ay, that may do, indeed, if you can but 
throw dust in the eyes of the defendant's counsel. 

Flower. True. — Mr. Trueman, I think you are con- 
cerned for Lord Ogleby in this af!'air. [To Trueman. 

Trueman. I am, sir — I have the honour to be related to 
his lordship, and hold some courts for him in Somerset- 
shire — go the Western circuit — and attend the sessions at 
Exeter, merely because his lordship's interests and proper- 
ty lie in that part of the kingdom. 

Flower. Ha ! and pray, Mr. True-man, how long have 
you been called to the bar X 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 41 

Trucman. About nine years and three quarters. 

Flower. Ha ! I don't know that I ever had the pleasure 
of seeing you before. I wish you success, young gentle- 
man. 

Enter Sterling, r, 

Stcr. Oh, Mr. Sergeant Flower, I am glad to see you. 
i'our servant, Mr. Sergeant ! gentlemen, your servant ! 
Well, are all matters concluded 1 has that snail-paced con- 
veyancer, old Ferret, of Gray's Inn, settled the articles at 
last ? Do you approve of what he has done 1 Will his tackle 
hold, tight and strong % — Eh, master Sergeant 1 

Flower. My friend Ferret's slow and sure, sir. But 
then scrius aut cit'ms, as we say, sooner or later, Mr. Ster- 
ling, he is sure to put his business out of hand as he should 
do. My clerk has brought the writing, and all oth^r in- 
struments along with him, and the settlement is, I believe, 
as good a settlement as any settlement on the face of the 
earth. 

Stcr. But that damned mortgage of 60,000/. There 
don't appear to be any other incumbrances, I hope % 

Traverse. 1 can answer for that, sir; and that will be 
cleared off immediately on the payment of the first part 
of Miss Sterling's portion. You agree, on your part, to 
come down with 80,000/. 

Stcr. Down on the nail. Ay, ay, my money is ready 
to-morrow, if he pleases : he shall have it in India-bonds, 
or notes, or how he chooses. Your lords and your dukes, 
and your people at the court-end of the town, stick at pay- 
ments sometimes — debts unpaid, no credit lost with them 
■ — but no fear of ns substantial fellows — eh, Mr. Sergeant] 

Flower. Sir .lohn having last term, according to agree- 
ment, levied a fine, and suffered a recovery, has hitherto 
cut off the entail of the Ogleby estate for the better ef- 
fecting the purposes of the present intended marriage ; 
on which above-mentioned Ogleby estate, a jointure of 
2000/. per annum is secured to your eldest daughter, now 
Elizabeth Sterling, spinster, and the whole estate, after the 
death of the aforesaid earl, descends to the heirs male of 
Sir John Melvil, on the body of the aforesaid Elizabeth 
Sterling lawfully to be begotten. 

Tiava'se. Very time — and Sir John is to be put in im- 



42 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act IJI 

meiliate possession of as much of his lordship's Somerset- 
shire estate, as lies in the manors of Hogmore and Cran- 
ford, amounting to between two and three thousand per 
annum, and at the death of Mr. Sterling, a further sum of 
seventy thousand — 

Enter Sir John Melvil r. 

Ster. Ah, Sir John ! Here we are hard at it, — paving 
t'.ie road to matrimony — first the lawyers, then comes the 
doctor — let us but dispatch the long robe, we shall soon 
get pudding-sleeves to work, I warrant you. 

Sir John. I am sorry to intermpt you, sir — but I hope 
that both you and these gentlemen will excuse me — hav- 
ing something particular for your private ear, I took the 
liberty of following you, and beg you will oblige me with 
an ari.dience immediately. 

Ster. Ay, with all my heart ! — Gentlemen, Mr. Sergeant, 
you'll excuse it — business must be done, you know. The 
writings will keep cold till to-morrow morning. 

Floiccr. I must be at Warwick, Mr. Sterling, the day 
after. 

Sler. Nay, nay, I sha'n't pait with you to-night, gentle- 
men, I promise you. My house is very full, but I have 
beds for you all, beds for your servants, and stabling for 
all your horses. Will you take a turn in the garden, and 
view some of my improvements before dinner 1 Or will 
you amuse yourselves on the green, with a game of bowls 
and a cool tankard? My servants shall attend you. Do 
you choose any other refreshment? Call for what you 
please ; do as you please ; make yourselves quite at home, 
I beg of you. Here, Thomas! Hany ! William! wait 
on these gentlemen ! — \Fol/o7vs the Lawyers out, l., hand- 
ing and talking, and then returns to Sir John.] And now, 
sir, J am entirely at your service. What are your com- 
mands with me. Sir John ? 

jSVr John. After having carried the negociation between 
our families to so great a length, after having assented so 
readily to all your proposals, as well as received so many 
instances of youi cheerful compliance with the demands 
made on our part, I am extremely concerned, Mr. Sterling, 
to be the involuntary cause of any uneasiness. 

Ster. Uneasiness! What uneasiness? Where business 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE 43 

is transacted as it ought to be, and the parties understand 
onrt another, there can be no uneasiness. You agree, on 
such and such conditions, to receive my daughter for a 
wife ; on the same conditions, I agree to receive you as a 
fion-in-hnv ; and as to all the rest, it follows of course, you 
know, as regularly as the payment of a bill after accep- 
tance. 

Sir John. Pardon me, sir, more uneasiness has arisen 
than you are aware of. I am myself, at this instant, in a 
state of inexpi'essible embarrassment ; Miss Sterling, I 
kno\i', is extremely disconcerted, too ; and UTiless you will 
oblio'e me with the assistance of your friendship, I foresee 
the speedy progress of discontent and animosity through 
the whole family. 

Sfer. What the deuce is all this 1 I don't understand 
a single syllable. 

Sir John. In one word, then — it will be absolutely im- 
possible for me to fulfil my engagements in regard to Miss 
Sterling. 

Ster. How, Sir John ! Do you mean to put an affront 
upon my family % What ! refuse to — 

Sir John. Be assured, sir, that I neither mean to affront, 
nor forsake your family. My only fear h. that you should 
desert me ; for the whole happiness of my life depends on 
my being connected with your family by the nearest and 
tenderest ties in the world. 

Stcr. Why, did not you tell me, but a moment ago, that 
it was absolutely impossible for you to marry my daughter] 

Sir John. True, But you have another daughter, sir — 

Ster. Wein 

Sir John. Who has obtained the most absolute dominion 
over my heart. I have already declared my passion to her; 
nay. Miss Sterling herself is also apprised of it ; and if you 
will but give a sanction to my present addresses, the un- 
common merit of Miss Sterling will no doubt recommend 
her to a person of equal, if not superior rank to myself, 
and our families may still be allied by i.ny union with Miss 
Fanny. 

Slcr. Mighty fine, truly ! Why, what the plague do 
you make of us, Sir John 1 Do you come to market for 
my daughter, like servants at a statute-fair ? Do you think 
that I will suffer you, or arij man in the world, to come 



44 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act III 

into iny house, like the Grand Signior, and throw the hand- 
kerchief first to one, and then to t'other, just as lie pleases 1 
Do you think 1 drive a kind of African slave-trade with 
them ; and — 

S/? John. A moment's patience, sir ! Nothing but the 
excess of my passion for Miss Fanny should have induced 
me to take any step that had the least appearance of dis- 
respect to any part of your family ; and even now I am 
desirous to atone for my transgression, by making the most 
adequate compensation that lies in my power. 

!Stcr. Compensation ! what compensation can you pos- 
sibly make in such a case as this. Sir John ] 

Sir John. Come, come, Mr. Sterling ; I know you to 
be a man of sense, a man of business, a man of the 
world. I'll deal frankly with you ; and you shall see that 
1 don't desire a change of measures for my own gratifi- 
cation, without endeavouring to make it advantageous to 
you. 

Stcr. What advantage can your inconstancy be to me, 
Sir John 1 

Sir John. I'll tell you, sir. You know that by the ar- 
ticles at present subsisting between us, on the day of my 
marriage with Miss Sterling, you agree to pay down the 
gross sum of eighty thousand pounds. 

Stcr. Well! 

Sir John. Now if you will but consent to my waiving 
that marriage — 

Slsr. I agree to your waiving that marriage's Impossi- 
ble, Sir John ! 

Sir John. 1 hope not, sir; as on my part, I will agree 
to waive my right to thirty thousand pounds of the for- 
tune I was to receive with her. 

Stcr. Thirty thousand, d'ye say ] 

Sir John. Yes, sir; and accept of Miss Fanny with fif- 
ty thousand, instead of fourscore. 

S/er. Fifty thousnnd — \Pausinif. 

Sir John. Instead of fourscore. 

Stcr. Why — why — there may be something in that. Let 
me see — Fanny with fifty thousand, instead of Betsy 
with fourscore. But how can this be, Sir John ] For 
you know I xm to pay this money into the hands of my 
Lord Ogleby ; who, I believe — between you and me, Sir 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 45 

John — is not overstocked with ready money at present ; 
and threescore thousand of it, you know, is to go to pay 
off the present incumbrances on the estate, Sir John. 

Sir John. That abjection is easily obviated. Ten of 
the twenty thousand, which would remain as a surphis of 
the fourscore, after paying off the mortgage, was intended 
by his lordship for my use, that we might set off with 
some little eclat on our marriage ; and the other ten for 
his own. Ten thousand pounds, therefore, I shall be able 
to pay you immediately ; and for the remaining twenty 
thousand, you shall have a mortgage on that part of the 
estate which is to be made over to me, with whatever se- 
cui'ity you shall require for the regular payment of the 
interest, till the principal is duly discharged. 

Ster. Why — to do you justice. Sir John, there is some- 
thing fair and open in your ])roposal ; and since I find 
you do not mean to put an affront upon the family — 

Sir JoJin. Nothing was ever farther from my thoughts, 
]Mr. Sterling. And after all, the whole aliair is nothing 
extraordinary — such things happen every day — and as 
the world has only heard generally of a treaty between 
the families, when this marriage takes place, nobody will 
be the wiser, if we have but discretion enough to keep 
our own counsel. 

Stcr. True, ti'ue ; and since you only transfer from one 
gii'l to the other, it is no more than transferring so much 
stock, you know. 

Sir John. The very thing! 

Ster. Odso ! I had quite forgot. We are reckoning 
without our host here. There is another difficulty — 

Sir John. You alarm me. What can that be ] 

Stcr. I can't stir a step in this business without con- 
sulting my sister Heidelberg. The family has very great 
expectations fi-om her, and we must not give her any of- 
fence. 

Sir John. But if you come into this measure, surely 
she will be so kiwd as to consent — 

Stcr. T don't know that — Betsy is her darling, and I 
can't tell how far she may resent any slight that seems 
to be offered to her favourite niece. However, I'll do the 
best I can for you. You shall go and break the matter 
to her first, and by the time I miy suppose that your rhe- 



46 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [ Aci III 

lorlc has prevailed on her to listen to reason, 1 will step in 
to reinforce your arguments. 

S/r John. I'll fly to her immediately ; you promise me 
your assistance % 

Sfer. I do. 

Sir John. Ten thousand thanks for it ! and now success 
attend me ! \Gomg, n. 

S(er. (i„) Harkee, Sir John ! [Sir John returns.] Not 
a word of the thirty thousand to my sister, Sir John. 

Sir John. Oh, I am dumb — I am dumb, sir. [Going, 

Sier. You remember it is thirty thousand. 

Sir John. To be sure, I do. 

Sler. But, Sir John ! — one thing more. [Sir John re- 
turns.] My lord must know nothing of this stroke of friend- 
ship between us. 

Sir John. Not for the world. Let me alone ! let me 
alone ! [ OJ'ering to go. 

Sfer. [Holding 7ii?}i.] And when every thing is agreed, 
we must give each other a bond to be held fast to the bar- 
gain. 

Sir John. To be sui"e. A bond by all means ! a bond, 
or whatever you please. [Exit hastihj, r. 

Stcr. [Alojie.] 1 should have thought of more condi- 
tions — he's in a humour to give me every thing. [Exit, l. 

Scene II. — Another Apartment. 
Enter Mrs. Heidelberg and Miss Sterling, l. 

Miss Stcr. This is your gentle-looking, soil-speaking, 
Bweet-smiling, affable Miss Fanny for you ! 

Mrs. Hci. My Miss Fanny ! I disclaim her. With all 
ner arts she never could insinuate hei*self into my good 
graces — and yet she has a way with her, that deceives 
man, woman, and child, except you and me, nieca 

Miss Stcr. Oh, ay ; she wants nothing but a crook in 
her hand, and a lamb under her arm, to be a perfect pic- 
ture of innocence and simplicity. 

Mrs. Hci. Just as I was drawn at Amsterdam, when I 
went over to visit my husband's relations. 

Miss Stcr. And then she's so mighty good to servants 
— " Pray, John, do this — pi'ay, Tom, do that — thank you, 
Jenny" — an I then so humble to her relations — " To be 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE 47 

sure, papa ! — as my aunt pleases — my sister knows best." 
But with all her demureness and humility, she has no ob- 
jection to be Lady Melvil, it seems, nor to any wicked- 
ness that can make her so. 

Mrs. Hei. She Lady Melvil ] Compose yourself, niece ! 
I'll ladyship her indeed ! a little creppin, cantin — she 
shan't be the better for a farden of my money. But tell 
me, child, how does this intriguing with Sir John corres- 
pond with her partiality to Lovewell ] I don't see a con- 
catunation here. 

Miss Sler. There I was deceived, madam. I took all 
their whisperings and stealing into corners to be the mere 
attraction of vulgar minds : but, behold ! their private 
meetings were not to contrive their own insipid happi- 
ness, but to conspire against mine. But I know whence 
proceeds Mr. Lovewell's resentment to me. I could not 
stoop to be familiar with my father's clerk, and so I have 
lost his interest. 

Mrs. Hei. My spurrit to a T. — my dear child! [Kisses 
7ier.] Mr. Heidelberg lost his election for member of par- 
liament, because I would not demean myself to be slob- 
bered about by drunken shoemakers, beastly cheesemon- 
gers, and greasy butchers and tallow-chandlers. How e- 
ver, niece, I can't help diffuring a little in opinion from 
you in this matter. My experunce and sagucity makes 
me still suspect, that there is something more between 
her and that Lovewell, notwithstanding this affair of Sir 
John. I had my eye upon them the whole time of break- 
fast. Sir John, I observed, looked a little confounded, in- 
deed, though I knew nothing of what had passed in the 
garden. You seemed to sit upon thorns too : but Fanny 
and Mr. Lovewell made quite another guess sort of a 
figur ; and were as perfect a pictur of two distrest lovers, 
as if if had been drawn by Raphael Angelo. As to Sir 
John and Fanny, I want a matter of fact. 

Jlliss SiC7: Matter of fact, madam 1 Did not T come 
unexpectedly upon them 1 AVas not Sir John kneeling 
at her feet, and kissing her hand ] Did not he look all 
love, and she all confusion 1 Is not that a matter of fact ] 
and did not Sir John, the moment that papa wa>s called 
out of the room to the lawyermen, get up from breakfast, 
and follow him immediately ] And I warrant you, that 



48 THK CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act III. 

l)y tliis time he has made proposals to him to marry my 
sister — oh, that some other person, an earl, or a duke, 
would make his addresses to me, that I might be reven- 
ged on this monster ! 

Mrs. He?. Be cool, child ! you shall be Lady Melvil, in 
spite of all their cabillins, if it costs me ten thousand 
pounds to turn the scale. Sir John may apply to my bro- 
ther, indeed ; but I'll make them all know who governs 
in this fammaly. 

Miss Sicr. As T live, madam, yonder comes Sir John. 
A base man ! I can't endure the sight of him. I'll leave 
the room this instant. [D/'soi-dcred. 

Mrs. Hei. Poor thing ! Well, retii'e to your own cham- 
ber, child. I'll give it him, I warrant you ; and by and by 
I'll come and let you know all that has past between us. 

Miss Ster. Pray do, madam ! [Looking hark.] A vile 
wi'etch ! [ Exit in a rngc, u. 

Enter Sir John Melvil, l. 

Sir John. Your most obedient humble sei'vant, madam ! 

[ Bowing vcnj rcspectfulhj. 

Mrs. Hei. Your servant. Sir John ! 

\ Dropping a half covrtscy and pouting. 

Sir John. Miss Sterling's manner of quitting the room 
on my approach, and the visible coldness of your beha- 
viour to me, madam, convince me that she has acquainted 
you with what passed this morning. 

Mrs. Hei. I am veiy sorry, Sir John, to be made ac- 
quainted with any thing that should induce me to change 
the opinion, which I could always wish to entertain of a 
person of qualaty. \P anting. 

Sir John. It has always been my ambition to merit the 
best opinion from Mrs. Heidelberg ; and when she comes 
to weigh all circumstances, I flatter myself — 

Mrs. Hei. You do flatter yourself, if you imagine that 
I can approve of your behaviour to my niece. Sir John. 
And give me leave to tell you, Sir John, that you have 
been drawn into an action much beneath you, Sir John ; 
and that I look upon every injury ofl'ered to Miss 13etty 
Sterling, as an affront to myself, Sir John. [ Warml//. 

Sir John. I would not offend you for the world, madam ! 
but when I am influenced by a partiality for another, how- 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 49 

ever Ill-founded, I hope your discernment and good sense 
will think it rather a point of honour to renounce engage- 
ments, which 1 could not fulfil so strictly as I ought ; and 
that you will excuse the change in my inclinations, since 
the new object, as well as the first, has the honour of be- 
ing your niece, madam. 

Mrs. He/. 1 disclaim her as a niece, Sir John ; Miss 
Sterling disclaims her as a sister, and the whole fammaly 
must disclaim her, for her monstrous baseness and trea- 
chery. 

Sir John. Indeed, she has been guilty of none, madam. 
Her hand and her heai't are, I am sure, entirely at the 
disposal of yourself and Mr. Sterling. 

Enter Sterling, l. u. e. 

And if you should not oppose my inclinations, I am sure 
of Mr. Sterling's consent, Madam. 

Mrs. Hei. Indeed ! 

Sir John. Quite certain, Madam. 

Ster. [Behind.] So! they seem to be coming to terms 
already. I may venture to make my appearance. 

Mrs. Hei. To marry Fanny ? 

[Sterlifig advances hij degrees. 

Sir Jolin. Yes, madam. 

Mrs. Hei. My brother has given his consent, you say ? 

Sir John. In the most ample manner, with no other re- 
Giriction than the failure of your concurrence, madam. 
^Sces Sfer.] Oh, here's Mr. Sterling, who will confirm 
What I have told you. 

Mrs, Hit. What ! have you consented to give up your 
own daughter in this manner, brother ] 

Ster, Give her up ! no, not give her up, sister; only iu 
case that you — [Apart to Sir John.] Zounds ! I am afraid 
you have said too much. Sir John. 

Mrs. Hei. Yes, yes. I see now that it is true enough 
what my niece told me. You are all plottin and caballin 
against her. — Pi"ay, does Lord Ogleby'know of this affair? 

Sir John. I have not yet made liim acquainted with it, 
madam. 

Mrs. Hei. No, I vvarrart you, I thought so. — And so his 
lordship and myself, truly are not to be cosssulted till tho 
last. 



50 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE [Act III. 

Ster. What ! did you not consult my lord 1 Oh ! iie 
for shame, Sir John ! 

Sir John. Nay, but Mr. Sterling — 

Mrs, Hei. We, who are the persons of most cor sequence 
and experunce in the two fammalies, are to know nothing 
of the matter, 'till the whole is as good as concluded upon. 
But his lordship, I am sure, will have more generosaty 
than to countenance such a perceding. And 1 could not 
have expected such behaviour from a person of your 
quality. Sir John — and as for you, brothei" — 

Ster. Nay, nay, but hear me, sister ! 

Mrs. Hei. lam perfectly ashamed of you — have you 
no spurrit 1 no more concern for the honour of our fam- 
maly than to consent — 

Ster. Consent 1 I consent 1 As I hope for mercy, I 
never gave my consent. Did I consent. Sir John ? 

Sir John. Not absolutely, without Mrs. Heidelberg's 
consent. But in case of her approbation — 

Ster. Ay, I grant you, if my sister approved — But that's 
quite another thing, you know — \To Mrs. Heidelberg. 

Mrs. Hei. Your sister approve, indeed ! — I thought you 
knew her better, brother Sterling ? — What ! approve of 
having your eldest daughter returned upon your hands, 
and exchanged for the younger ? I am surprised how you 
could listen to such a scandalous proposal. 

Ster. 1 tell you, I never did listen to it. Did not I say 
that I would be entirely governed by my sister. Sir John ? 
and unless she agreed to your marrying Fanny — 

Mrs. Hei. I agree to his marrying Fanny ? abominable ! 
The man is absolutely out of his senses. Can't that wise 
head of yours foresee the consequences of all this, brother 
Sterling? Will Sir John take Fanny without a fortin 1 
No ! After you have settled the largest part of your pro- 
perty on your youngest daughter, can tliere be an equal 
j/ortion left for the eldest 1 No! Does not this overturn the 
whole systum of the fammaly 1 Yes, yes, yes ! You 
know I was always for my niece Betsy's marrying a per- 
son of the very first qualaty. That was my maxum : and 
therefore, much the largest settlement was, of course, to 
be made upon her. As for Fanny, if she could, with a 
fortune of twenty or thirty thousand pounds, get a knight, 
or a member of parliament, or a rich common-councilman 
for a husband, 1 thonrrht it mio)i* (\o vei-v v.cll. 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 5\ 

Sir John. But if a better match should offer itself, why 
should tt not be accepted, madam 1 

JSIrs. Hci. What, at the expense of her elder sister ! 
Oh, fie. Sir John ! How could you bear to hear of such 
an indignaty, brother Sterling 1 

Ster. 1 ! Nay, 1 sha'n't hear of it, I promise you. I 
can't hear of it, indeed, Sir John. 

Mrs. Hci. But you have heard of it, brother Sterling. 
You know you have ; and sent Sir John to propose it tc 
me. But if you can give up your daughter, I sha'n't for- 
sake my niece, I assure you. Ah ! if my poor dear Mr. 
Heidelberg and our sweet babes had been alive, he would 
not have behaved so. 

Stcr. Did I, Sir John ? — [Apart to him^ Nay, speak ! 
— Bring me off, or we are ruined. 

Sir John. Why, to be sure, to speak the truth — 

Mrs. Hei. To speak the truth, I'm ashamed of you both. 
But have a care what you are about, brother! have a cai-e, 
1 say. The counsellors are in the house, I hear; and il 
everything is not settled to my liking, I'll have nothing 
more to say to you, if I live these hundred years. I'll go 
over to Holland, and settle with Mr. Vanderspracken, my 
poor husband's first cousin, and my own fammaly shall 
never be the better for a farden of my money, I promise 
you. [Exit, R. 

Stcr. I thouo^ht so. 1 knew she would never aorree to 

it. 

Sir John. 'Sdeath, how unfortunate ! what can we do, 
Mr. Sterling? 

Stcr. Nothing. 

Sir John. What, must our agreement break off the mo- 
ment it is made, then ? 

Ster. It can't be helped. Sir John. The family, as I 
told you before, have great expectations from my sister ; 
and if this matter proceeds, you hear yourself that she 
threatens to leave us. My brother Heidelbei-g was a 
warm man, a very warm man ; and died worth a plum, 
at least; a plum! ay, I warrant you, he died worth a plum 
and a half 

Sir John. Well ; but if I — 

Ster. And then, my siste - has three or four very good 
mortgages, a deal of monev in the three per cents., and 



52 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act III 

old South Sea annuities, lesides large concerns in the 
Dutch and French funds. The greatest part of all this 
she means to leave to our family. 

Sir Jultn. I can only say, sir — 

Stfr. Why, your ofler of the difference of thirty thou- 
sand was very fair and handsome, to be sure, Sir John. 

Sir John. Nay, but I am even willing to — 

Sfer. Ay, but if I was to accept it against her will, I 
might lose above a hundred thousand ; so you see the ba- 
lance is against you. Sir John. 

Sir John. But is there no way, do you think, of prevail- 
ing on Mrs. Heidelberg to grant her consent ] 

Ster. I am afraid not. However, when her passion is 
a little abated — for she's very passionate — you may try 
what can be done : but you must not use my name any 
more. Sir John. 

Sir John. Suppose I was to prevail on Lord Ogleby t<" 
apply to her, do you think that would have any influence 
over her ? 

Ster. I think he would be inore likely to persuade her 
to it than any person in the family. She has a great res- 
pect for Lord Ogleby. She loves a lord. 

Sir John. I'll apply to him this very day. And if he 
should prevail on Mrs. Heidelberg, I may depend on your 
friendship, Mr. Sterling ? 

Ster. Ay, ay, I shall be glad to oblige you, when it is 
in ray power ; but as the account stands now, you see it is 
not upon the figures. And so, your servant. Sir John. 

\Exif,-L. 

Sir John. What a situation am I in! Breaking off with 
her whom I was bound by treaty to marry ; rejected by 
the object of my afiections ; and embroiled by this turbu- 
lent woman, who governs the whole family. And yet op- 
position, instead of smothering, increases my inclination. 
1 must have hei*. I'll apply immediately to Lord Ogleby; 
and if he can but bring over the aunt to our party, her 
influence will overcome the scruples and delicacy of my 
dear Fanny., and 1 shall be the happiest of mankind. 

[Exit, L. 

END OF AOT III 



Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 53 



ACT IV. 
Scene I. — A Room 

Enter Sterling, Mrs. Heidelberg, and Miss Ster- 
ling, K. 

Sfer. What! will you send Fanny to town, sister 1 

Mrs. Hci. To-morrow morning. I've given orders about 
it already. 

Ster. indeed 1 

Mrs. Hei. Posatively. 

Ster. But consider, sister, at such a time as this, what 
an odd appearance it will have. 

Mrs. Hei. Not half so odd as her behaviour, brother. 
This time was intended for happiness, and I'll keep no in- 
cendiaries here to destroy it. 1 insist on her going off' to- 
morrow morning. 

S/er. I'm afraid this is all your doing, Betsy. 

M/ss Sfcr. (r. c.) No, indeed, papa. My aunt knows 
that it is not. For all Fanny's baseness to me, I am sure 
I would not do or say anything to hurt her with you or my 
aunt, for the world. 

Mrs. Hci. (c.) Hold your tongue, Betsy ! I will have 
my way. When she is packed off", everything will go on 
as it should do. Since they are at their intrigues, I'll let 
them see that we can act with vigur on our part ; and 
sending her out of the way shall be the purliminary step 
to all the rest of my proceedings. 

Sier. (l. c.) Well, but sister — 

Mrs. IJei. It does not signify talking, brother Sterling, 
for I'm resolved to be rid of her, and I will. [To Miss 
S(er.\ Come along, child. The postman shall be at the 
door by six o'clock in the morning ; and if Miss Fanny 
does not get into it, why, I will — and so there's an end of 
the matter. [Bounces out tlie room with Miss Sterling, k. 

Re-enter Mrs. Heidelberg, r. 

(r ) One word more, brother Sterling ! I expect that you 
will take your eldest daughter in your hand, and make a 
formal complaint to Lord Ogleby of Sir John Melvil's be- 
haviour. Do this, brother ; show a proper regard for the 



'^4 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE [Act IV. 

honour of youi' fammaly yourself, and I shall throw in my 
mite to the raising of it. If not — but now you know my 
mind. So act as you please, and take the consequences. 

\Exif, n. 
Stcr. The devil's in the women for tyranny! Mothers, 
■wives, mistresses, or sisters, they always will govern us. 
As to my sister Heidelberg, she knows the strength of her 
purse, and domineers upon the credit of it. " 1 will do 
this," and " You shall do that," and "You shall do t'other, 
or else the famrnaly sha'n't have a farden of" — [Mi?nick- 
in>/.] — So absolute with her money ! — But, to say the truth, 
nothing but money can make us absolute, and so we must 
e'en make the best of her. [Exit, l. 

Scene II — A Garden. 
Enter Lord Ogleby and Canton, l. 

Lord Ogl. What ! Mademoiselle Fanny to be sent a- 
way ! why ? wherefore 1 What's the meaning of all this 1 

Cant. Je ne s^ais pas. I know nothing of it. 

Eord Ogl. It can't be — it shan't be. I protest against 
the measure. She's a fine girl, and I had much rather that 
the rest of the family were annihilated, than that she should 
leave us. Her vulgar father, that's the very abstract of 
'Change Alley — the aunt, that's always endeavouring to be 
a fine lady — and the pert sister, for ever showing that she 
is one, are horrid company, indeed, and without her would 
be intolerable. Ah, la petite Fanchon ! she's the thing ; 
isn't she Cant.? 

Cant. Dere is very good sympatic entre vous and dat 
young lady, mi lor. 

Lord O^l. I'll not be left among these Goths and Van- 
dals, your Sterlings, your Heidelbergs, and Devilbergs^ 
if she goes, I'll positively go too. 

Cant. In de same post-chay, my lor ? Y"ou have no ob- 
jection to dat I believe, nor mademoiselle neider too — ha ! 
ha! ha! 

Lord Ogl. Pr'ythee hold thy foolish tongue, Cant. 
Does thy Swiss stupidity imagine that I can see and talk 
with a fine girl without desires \ My eyes are involunta- 
rily attracted by beautiful objects. I fly as naturally to a 
fine girl — 



StEHElI.] THE CLANDESTINE MAKRIAGE. 55 

Cant. As de fine girl to you, my lor : ha, ha, ha! you 
always fly togedre like un pair de pigeons. 

Lord Ogl. Like un pairde pigeons — \Tnoc]<shirn.^ — Vous 
ctes un sot, Mons. Canton — Tliou art always dreaming of 
my intrig les, and never seest me Ladhier, but you suspect 
miscliief, you old fool, you. 

Cn)it. 1 am fool, I confess, but not always fool in dat, 
mi lor, he, he, he ! 

Lord Ogl. He, he, he ! Thou art incorrigible, but thy 
absurdities amuse one. Thou art like my rappee here, 
\talces out his liox^ a most ridiculous superfluity, but a pinch 
of thee, now and then, is a more delicious treat. 

Cant. You do me great honneur, mi lor. 

Lord Ogl. 'Tis fact, upon my soul. Thou art properly 
my ce^ihalic snuff', and art no bad medicine against me- 
grims, vertigoes, and profound thinking — ha, ha, ha ! 

Cant. Your flatterie, mi lor, vil make me too prode. 

Lord Ogl. The girl has some little partiality for me, to 
be suie : but pr'ythee, Cant., is not that Miss Fanny yon- 
der ] 

Cant. [Looking with a glass. ^ En verite, 'tis she, mi lor 
— 'tis one of the pigeons — de pigeons d'amour. 

Lord Ogl. Don't be ridiculous, you old monkey. 

[ Smiling. 

Cant. I am monkee, I am ole, but I have eye, I have 
ear, and little understand, now and den. 

Lord Ogl. Taisez vous, bete ! 

Cant. Elle vous attend, mi lor. — She vil make a love to 
you. 

Lord Ogl. Will she 1 Have at her then ! A fine girl 
can't oblige me more. — Egad, I find myself a little enjoue 
— come along Cant.! she is but in the next walk — but 
there is such a deal of this damned crinkum-crankum, as 
Sterling calls it, that one sees people for half an hour be- 
fore one can get to them — Allons, Mons. Canton, allons 
done ! [Exeunt, singing in French, R. 

SCENE in. — Another part of the Garden. 
Enter Lovewell and Fanny, l. 
Lov. My dear Fanny, I cannot bear your distress ! it 
overcomes all my resolutions, and I am prepared for the 
discovery. 



56 THE CLAl<?)ESTraE MARRIAGE. [Act IV 

Fanny. But how can it be effected before my departure % 

Lov. I'll tell you. — Lord Ogleby seems to entertain a 
visible partiality for you ; and notwithstanding the peculi- 
arities of his behaviour, I am sure that he is humane at the 
bottom. He is vain to an excess ; but withal, extremely 
good-natured, and would do any thing to recommend him- 
self to a lady. — Do you open the whole affair of our mar- 
riage to him immediately. It will come with more irre- 
sistible persuasion from you than myself; and I doubt not 
but you'll gain his friendship and protection at once. — His 
influence and authority will put an end to Sir John's soli- 
citations, remove your aunt's and sister's unkindness and 
suspicions, and, I hope, reconcile your father and the whole 
family to our marriage. 

Fanny. Heaven grant it ! Where is my lord ? 

Lov. I have heard him and Canton, since dinner, sing- 
ing French songs under the great walnut tree by the par- 
lour door. If you meet with him in the garden, you may 
disclose the whole immediately. 

Fanny. Dreadful as the task is, I'll do it. — Any thing is 
better than this continual anxiety. 

Lov. By that time the discovery is made, I will appear 
to second you. — Ha ! there comes my lord. — Now, my 
dear Fanny, summon up all your spirits, plead our cause 
powerfully, and be suie of success. [Going, r, 

Fa?iny. Ay, don't leave me ! 

Lov. Nay, you must let me. 

Fanny. Well, since it must be so, I'll obey you, if I have 
the power. Oh, Lovewell ! 

Lov. Consider, our situation is very critical. To-mor- 
row morning is fixed for your departure, and if we lose 
this opportunity, we may wish in vain for another. He ap- 
proaches — I must retire. — Speak, my dear Fanny, speak 
and make us happy ! [Exit, r. 

Fanny. Good heaven, what a situation am I in ! what 
shall 1 do 1 what shall I say to him ! I am all confusion. 

Filter Lord Oglebv and Canton. 

Lord Ogl. To see so much beauty so solitary, madam, is a 
satire upon mankind, and 'tis fortunate that one man has 
roken in upon your reverie, for the credit of our sex. I 
say one, madam, for poor Canton, here, fi'om age and infir- 
mities, stands for nothing. 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 57 

Cant. Noting at all, indeed. 

Fanny. Your lordship does me great honour. — I had a 
favour to request, my lord ! 

Lord Ogl. A favour, madam ! — To be honoured with 
your commands, is an inexpressible favour done to mo, ma- 
dam. 

Fanny. If your lordship could indulge me with the hon- 
our of a moment's — What's the matter with me 1 [Aside. 

Lord Ogl. The girl's confused — he ! — here's something 
in the wind, faith — I'll have a tete-a-tete with her — allez 
vous en ! [To Cant. 

Cant. I go — ah, pauvre mademoiselle ! my lor, have 
pitie upon the poor plgeone ! 

Lord Ogl. I'll knock you down. Cant., if you are impei- 
tinent. [Smiling. 

Cant. Den I mus a\'aiy.—[S/iufles along.j — You are mosh 
please, for all dat. [Aside and exit, 

Fanny. I shall sink with apprehension. [Aside. 

Lord Ogl. What a sweet girl ! she's a civilized being, 
and atones for the barbarism of the rest of the family. 

Fanny. My lord, I — [She curtseys and hJusJics. 

Lord Ogl. [Addressing her.] I look upon it, madam, to 
be one of the luckiest circumstances of my life, that I have 
this moment the honour of receiving your commands, and 
the satisfaction of confirming with my tongue, what my 
eyes perhaps have but too weakly expressed — that I am 
literally — the humblest of your servants. 

Fanny. I think myself greatly honoured by your lord- 
ship's partiality to me ; but it distresses me, that I am 
obliged in my present situation to apply to it for protection. 

Jjord Ogl. I am happy in your distress, madam, because 
it gives me an opportunity to shew my zeal. Beauty to me 
is a religion in which I was born and bred a bigot, and 
would die a martyr. — I'm in tolerable spirits, faith ! 

[Aside. 

Fanny. There is not perhaps at this moment a moro 
distressed creature than myself Affection, duty, hope, 
despair, and a thousand different sentiments, are strug- 
gling in my bosom ; and even the presence of your lord 
ship, to whom I have flown for protection, adds to my per 
plexity. 

Lord Ogl. Does it, madam 1 Venus forbid ! — My old 



58 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [ Act IV, 

fault ; the devil's in me, I think, for perplexing young wo- 
men. \ Aside and smiling.] — Take courage, madam ! dear 
Miss Fanny, explain. You have a powerful advocate in 
my breast, I assure you — my heart, madam — I am at- 
tached to you by all the laws of sympathy and delicacy. 
13y my honour, I am. 

Fanny. Then I will venture to unburthen my mind. — ■ 
Sir John Melvil, my lord, by the most misplaced and mis- 
timed declaration of affection for me, has made me the un- 
happiest of women. 

Lord Ogl. How, madam ! has Sir John made his ad- 
dresses to you 1 

Fanny. He has, my lord, in the strongest terms. But 
I hope it is needless to say, that my duty to my family, 
love to my sister, and regard to the whole family, as well 
as tlie great respect I entertain for your lordship \curtsey- 
ing\, made me shudder at his addresses. 

Lord Ogl. Charming girl ! — Proceed, my dear Miss 
Fanny, proceed ! 

Fanny. In a moment — give me leave, my lord ! — but if 
what I have to disclose should be received with anger or 
displeasui'e — 

Lord Ogl. Impossible, by all the tender powers ! — 
speak, I beseech you, or I shall divine the cause before 
you utter it. 

Fanny. Then, my lord. Sir John's addresses are not on- 
ly shocking to me in themselves, but are more particularly 
disagreeable to me at this time — as — as — [Hesitating. 

Lord Ogl. As what, madam 1 

Fanny. As — pardon my confusion — I am entirely de- 
voted to another. 

Lord Ogl. [Aside.] If this is not plain, the devil's in it. 
— But tell me, my dear Miss Fanny, for I must know : 
tell me the how, the when, and the where — Tell me — 

Enter Canton hastily. 

Cant. My \m\ my lor, my lor! 

Lord Ogl. Damn your Swiss impertinence ! how dujsi 
you interrupt me, in the most critical melting moment 
that ever love and beauty honoured me with % 

Cant. I deniande pardonne, my lor ! Sir .John Melvil. 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 59 

my lor, sent me to beg you do him de honneur to speak 
a little to your lordship. 

Lord OgJ. I'm not at leisure — I'm busy — Get away, 
you stupid old dog, you Swiss rascal, or I'll — 

Cant. Fort bien, my lor. \Canton govs out on tiptoe. 

Liord Ogl. By the laws of gallantry, madam, this in- 
terruption should be death ; but as no punishment ought 
to disturb the triumph of the softer passions, the crimi 
nal is pardoned and dismissed. Let us return, madam, t< 
the highest luxury of exalted minds — a declaration of 
love from the lips of beauty. 

Fa?i?it/. The entrance of a third person has a litt.e re 
lieved me, but I cannot go through with it — and yet i 
must open my heart with a discovery, or it will break 
with its burthen. 

Lord Ogl. \ Aside.] What passion in her eyes ! I am 
alarmed to agitation. — [Aloud.] I presume, madam, (and 
as you have flattered me by making me a party concern- 
?d, I hope you'll excuse the presumption,) that — 

Fanny. Do you excuse my making you a party con- 
cerned, my lord, and let me interest your heart in my be- 
half, as my future happiness or misery in a great mea- 
sure depend — 

Lord Ogl. Upon me, madam 1 

Fanny. Upon you, my lord. \Sig7is. 

Lord. Ogl. \Axide.] There's no standing this : I have 
caught the infection — her tenderness dissolves me. [Sighs. 

Fanny. And should you too severely judge of a rash 
action which passion prompted, and modesty has long 
concealed — 

Lord Ogl. [Taking 7ier Jiand.] Thou amiable creature — 
command my heart, for it is vanquished — speak but thy 
virtuous wishes, and enjoy them. 

Fanny. I cannot, my lord — indeed, 1 cannot — Mr. Love- 
well must tell you my distresses — and when you know 
them — pity and protect me. [Exit in tears, r. 

Lord Ogl. [A^onc.] How the devil could I bring her to 
this ] It is too much — too much — I can't bear it — I must 
give way to this amiable weakness. [IVrpcs /as eyes.\ My 
heart overflows with sympathy, and I feel every tender- 
ness I have inspired. How blind have I been to the de- 
so ation I have made ! Ho^' could I possibly imagine 



60 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act IV 

that a little partial attention and tender civilities to tlia 
young creature should have gathered to this burst of pas- 
sion ! Can 1 be a man and vvitiistand it 1 — No — I'll sacri- 
fice the whole sex to her. But here comes the father, 
quite aj)rop»s. I'll open the matter immediately, settle 
the business with him, and take the sweet girl down to 
Ogleby House to-morrow morning — but what the devil ! 
Miss Sterling too ! What mischief's in the wind now % 

Tenter. Sterling and Miss Sterling, l. 

iS/er. My lord, your servant! I am attending my daugh- 
ter here upon rather a disagreeable affair. Speak to his 
lordship, Betsy. 

Lord Ogl. Your eyes. Miss Sterling — for I always read 
the eyes of a young lady — betray some little emotion. — 
What are your commands, madam ? 

Miss Ster. 1 have but too much cause for my emotion, 
my lord ! 

Lord Ogh I cannot commend my kinsman's behaviour, 
madam. He has behaved like a false knight, I must con- 
fess. I have heard of his apostacy. Miss Fanny has in- 
formed me of it. 

Miss Ster. Miss Fanny's baseness has been the cause 
of Sir John's inconstancy. 

Lord Ogl. Nay, now, my dear Miss Sterling, your pas ■ 
sion transports you too far. Sir John may have enter- 
tained a passion for Miss Fanny, but believe me, my dear 
Miss Sterling, believe me, Miss Fanny has no passion for 
Sir John. She has a passion, indeed, a most tender pas- 
sion. She has opened her whole soul to me, and I know 
where her affections are placed. [Conceilcdly. 

Miss Ster. Not upon Mr. Lovewell, my lord ; for I 
have great reason to think that her seeming attachment to 
him, is, by his consent, made use of as a blind to cover 
her designs upon Sir John. 

Lord Ogl. Lovewell ! No, poor lad ! She does not 
think of him. [Smiling. 

Miss Ster. Have a care, my lord, that both the families 
are not made the dupes of Sir John's artirice, and my sis- 
ter's dissimulation ! You don't know her — indeed, my 
lord, you don't know her — a base, insinuating, perfidious ! 
— It is too much — She has been beforehand with nie, 1 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 61 

perceive. Such unnatural behaviour to me ! — But since I 
see I can have no redress, I am resolved that some way 
or other 1 will have revenge. ^Exit, s.. 

Ster. This is foolish work, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. I have too much sensibility to bear the tears 
of beauty. 

Ster. It is touching, indeed, my lord — and very moving 
for a father. 

Lord Ogl. To be sure, sir ! — You must be distressed be- 
yond measure ! — Wherefore, to divert your too exquisite 
feeling, suppose we change the subject, and proceed to 
business. 

Ster. With all my heart, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. You see, Mr. Sterling, we can make no 
union in our families by the proposed marriage. 

Ster. And very sorry am I to see it, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Have you set your heart upon being allied 
to our house, Mr. Sterling 1 

Ster. 'Tis my only wish, at present, my omnium, as 1 
may call it. 

Lord Ogl. Your wishes shall be fulfilled. 

Ster. Shall they, my lord ! — but how — how ] 

Lord Ogl. I'll marry in your family. 

Ster. What ! my sister Heidelberg 1 

Lord Ogl. You throw me into a cold sweat, Mr. Ster- 
ling. No, not your sistei* — but your daughter. 

Ster. My daughter 1 

Lord Ogl. Fanny ! — now the murder's out ! 

Ster. Wliat, you, my lord ? — 

Lord Ogl. Yes— I, I, Mr. Sterling ! 

Ster. No, no, my lord — that's too much. [Smiling. 

Lord Ogl. Too much ] — 1 don't comprehend you. 

Ster. What, you, my lord, marry my Fanny ! — Blesa 
me, what will the folks say 1 

Lord Ogl. Why, what will they say ? 

Ster. That you're a bold man, my lord — that's all. 

Lord Ogl. Mr. Sterling, this may be city wit, for aught 
t know — Do you court my alliance 1 

Ster. To be sure, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Then I'll explain. — My nephew won't mar- 
ry your eldest daughter — nor I neither — Your youngest 
daughter won't marry him — I will marry your youngest 
daujjhter. 



G2 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [A.cT III 

Ster. What ! with a youngest daughter's foitune, ray 
lord ] 

Lord Ogl. With any fortune, or no fortune at all, sir. 
Love is the idol of my heart, and the demon Interest 
sinlxs before him. So, sir, as [ said before, I will marry 
your youngest daughter; your youngest daughter will 
marry me — 

Stcr. Who told you so, my lord 1 

Loj-d Ogl. Her own sweet self, sir. 

Ster. Indeed 1 

Lord Ogl. Yes, sir ; our affection is mutual ; your ad- 
vantage double and treble — your daughter will be a coun- 
tess directly — I shall be the happiest of beings — and 
you'll be father to an earl instead of a baronet. 

Sler. But what will my sister say % — and my daughter 1 

Lord Ogl. I'll manage that matter — nay, if they won't 
consent, I'll run away with your daughter, in spite of you. 

Stcr. Well said, my lord! your spirit's good — I wish 
you had my constitution ! — but if you'll venture, I have 
no objection, if my sister has none. 

Lord Ogl. I'll answer for your sister, sir. Apropos ! 
the lawyers are in the house — I'll have articles drawn, 
and the wK ;le affair concluded to-morrow morning. 

Ster. Ye\^ well; and I'll dispatch Lovewell to London 
immediately ?or some fresh papers I shall want, and I 
shall leave you to manage matters with my sister. You 
must excuse me, my lord, but I can't help laughing at the 
match — He ! he ! he ! what will the folks say 1 [Exit, l. 

Lord. Ogl. What a fellow am I going to make a father 
of? He has no more feeling than the post in his ware- 
house — But Fanny's virtues tune me to rapture again, 
and I won't think of the rest of the family. 

Enter Lovewell, hastily, r. 

Ijov. I beg your lordship's pardon, my lord ; are you 
alone, my lord ] 

Lord Ogl. No, my lord, I am not alone ; I am in coa3« 
pnny, the best of company. 

Lov. My loid! 

Lord Ogl. I never was in such exquisite enchautin* 
i -"pfl my heart first conr*^'- 1, or niv 



Scene II.J THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 63 

Lov. Where are they, my lord 1 [Looking about. 

Lord Ogl. In my mind, sir. 

Lov. What company have you there, my lord ] 

[ Smiling. 

Lord Ogl. My own ideas, sir, which so crowd upon my 
imagination, and kindle in it such a delirium of extacy, 
that wit, wine, music, poetry, all combined, and each in 
perfection, are but mere mortal shadows of my felicity. 

Lov. I see that your lordship is happy, and I rejoice at it. 

Lord Ogl. You sliaR rejoice at it, sir ; my felicity shall 
not selfishly be confined, but shall spread its influence to 
the whole circle of* my friends. I need not say, Lovewell, 
that you shall have your share of it. 

Lov. Shall I, my lord ? — then I understand you — you 
have heard — Miss Fanny has informed you — 

Lord Ogl. She has — 1 have heard, and she shall be hap- 
py — 'tis determined. 

Lov. Then I have reached the summit of my wishes — 
And will your lordship pardon the folly 1 

Lord Ogl. O yes, poor creature, how could she help it % 
— 'tv/as unavoidable — Fate and necessity. 

Lov. It was indeed, my lord — Your kindness distracts 
me — 

Lord Ogl. And so it did the poor girl, faith. 

Lov. She trembled to disclose the , secret, and declare 
her affections. 

Lord Ogl. The world, I believe, will not think her af- 
fections ill placed. 

Lov.' [Bowing. \ You are too good, my lord. And do 
you really excuse the rashness of the action 1 

Lord Ogl. From my very soul, Lovewell. 

Lov. Your generosity overpowers me. — [Bowi7ig.^\ — I 
was afraid of her meeting with a cold reception. 

Lord Ogl. More fool you, then. 

Who pleads her cause with never-failing beauty, 
Here finds a full redress. [Strikes his breast. 

She's a fine girl, Lovewell. 

Lov. Her beauty, my lord, is her least merit. She has 
an understanding — 

Lord Ogl. Her choice convinces me of that. 

Lov. [Bowing.^ That's your lordship's goodness Hei 
choice was a disij.terested one. 



64 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act IV> 

Lord Ogl. No — no — not altogether — it began with in- 
terest, and ended in passion. 

Lov. Indeed, my lord, if you were acquainted with her 
goodness of heart, and generosity of mind, as well as you 
are with the inferior beauties of her face and person — 

Lord Ogl. I am so perfectly convinced of their exist- 
ence, and so totally of your mind touching every amiable 
particular of that sweet girl, that were it not for the cold 
unfeeling impediments of the law, 1 would marry her to- 
morrow morning. 

Lov, My lord ! 

Lord Ogl. I would, by all that's honourable in man, and 
amiable in woman. 

Lov. Marry her ! — What do you mean, my lord 1 

Lord Ogl. Miss Fanny Sterling that is — the Countess of 
Ogleby that shall be. 

Lov. I am astonished ! 

Lord Ogl. Why, could you expect less from me 1 

Lov. 1 did not expect this, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. Trade and accounts have destroyed your 
feeling. 

Lov. No, indeed, my lord. [Sighs. 

Lord Ogl. The moment that love and pity entered my 
breast, I was resolved to plunge into matrimony, and 
shorten the girl's tortures — I never do any thing by halves ; 
do I, Lovewell 1 

Lov. No, indeed, my \ovA— [Sighs] — What an accident ? 

Lord Ogl. What's the matter, Lovewell % thou seem'st 
to have lost thy faculties. Why don't you wish me joy, 
man ] 

Lov. Oh, I do, my lord. [Sighs. 

Lord Ogl. She said that you would explain what she 
had not power to utter — but I wanted no interpreter for 
the language of love. 

Lov. But has your lordship considered the consequences 
ot your resolution 1 

Lord Ogl. No, sir, I am above consideration, when my 
desires are kindled. 

Lov. But consider the consequences, my lox'd, to youi 
nephew, Sir John. 

Jjord Ogl. Sir John has considered no consequences 
liimsel^ Mr. Lovewell. 



Scene TI THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 65 

Lov. Mr. Sterling, my lord, will certainly refuse his 
daughter to Sir John. 

Lord Ogl. Sir John has already refused Mr. Sterling's 
daughter. 

Lov. But what will become of Miss Sterling, my lord ? 

Lord Ogl. What's that to you ? — You may have hei', if 
you will. — I depend upon Mr. Sterling's city philosophy, to 
be reconciled to Lord Ogleby's being his son-in-law, in- 
stead of Sir John Melvil, Baronet. Don't you think that 
your master may be brought to that, without having re- 
course to his calculations ] Eh, Lovewell 1 

Lov. But, my lord, that is not the question. 

Lord Ogl. Whatever is the question, I'll tell you my an 
swer. I am in love with a fine girl, wdiom I resolve to 
marry. 

Enter Sir John Melvil, l. 

What news with you, Sir John ? — You look all hurry and 
impatience — like a messenger after a battle. 

Sir John. After a battle, indeed, my lord. I have this 
day had a severe engagement, and wanting your lordship 
as an auxiliary, I have at last mustered resolution to de- 
clare, what my duty to you and to myself have demanded 
from me some time. 

Lord Ogl. Tn the business, then, and be as concise as 
possible — for I am upon the wing — eh, Lovewell ? 

[He smiles, and Loveircll hows. 

Sir John. 1 find 'tis in vain, my lord, to struggle against 
the force of inclination. 

Lord Ogl. Very true, nephew ; i am your witness, and 
will second the motion — sha'n't 1, Lovewell ? 

\S index, and Lovewell hoics. 

Sir John. Your lordship's generosity encourages me to 
tell you — that I cannot marry Miss Sterling. 

Lord Ogl. I am not at all surprised at it — she's a bittei 
potion, that's the truth of it ; but as you were to sw^allow 
it, and not \, it was your business, and not mine — any 
thing more 1 

Sir John. But this, my lord — that I may be permitted 
to make my addresses to the other sister. 

Lord Ogl. O yes — by all means — have you any hopes 
there, nephew 1 Do you think he'll succeed, l/ovewell ] 
[Smiles, and winhR at Lovc^i^dl. 



66 THK CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V. 

Lov. I think not, my lord. [Gravely. 

Lord 0^1. I think so too ; but let the fool try. 

Sir John. Will your lordship favour me with your good 
offices to remove the chief obstacle to the match, the re- 
jm<i;nance of Mrs. Heidelberg] 

Liord Ogl. Mrs. Heidelberg ! — Had not you better be- 
gin with the young lady first ] It will save you a great deal 
uf trouble : won't it, Lovewell 1 [Smiles.] But do what 
you please, it will be the same thing to me — won't it, Love- 
well ? [ Conceifcdli/.] Why dont you laugh at him 1 

Lov. I do, my lord. [Forces a smile. 

Sir John. And your lordship will endeavor to prevail on 
Mrs. Heidelberg to consent to my marriage with Miss 
Fanny 1 

Lord Ogl. I'll speak to Mrs. Heidelberg about the ado- 
rable Fanny, as soon as possible. 

Sir John. Your generosity transports me. 

Lord Ogl. Poor fellow, what a dupe ! he little thinks 
who's in possession of the town. [Aside. 

Sir John. And your lordship is not offended at this seem- 
ing inconstancy 1 

Lord. Ogl. Not in the least. Miss Fanny's charms will 
even excuse infidelity. I look upon women as the ferce 
natures — lawful game — and every man who is qualified 
has a natural right to pursue them ; Lovewell as well as 
you, and I as well as either of you. Every man shall do 
his best, without offence to any — what say you, kinsmen ] 

Sir John. You have made me happy, my lord. 

Lov. And me, I assure you, my lord. 

Lord Ogl. And I am superlatively so — allons done. ! — to 
horse and away, boys ! — you to your affairs, and I \o mine 
— suiconsV amour. [Sings — Exeunt severally . 

END OF ACT IV. 



ACT V. 

Scene I. — Fanny's Apartment, 
Ltifer Lovewell and Fanny, folloivcd by Betty. 
Fanny. Why did you come so soon, Mr. Lovewell ? the 



Scene I.'. THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 67 

family is not yet in bed, and Betty certainly heard some- 
body list(!ning neaz- the chamber-door. 

Bettij. My mistress is right, sir ! evil spirits are abroad; 
and I am sure you are both too good, nut to expect mis- 
chief from them. 

IjOi\ But who can be so curious, or so wicked ? 

Belt II. I think we have wickedness and curiosity enough 
in this family, sir, to expect the worst. 

Fanny. I do expect the worst. — Prithee, Betty, return 
to the outward door, and listen if you hear anybody in 
the gallery ; and let us know directly. 

Betty. I warrant you, madam — the Lord bless you both ! 

[Goes out at the door. 

Fanny. What did my father want with you this eve- 
ning 1 

hoi\ He gave me the key of his closet, with orders to 
bring from London some papers relating to Lord Ogleby. 

Fanny. And why did you not obey him 1 

Lav. Because I am certain that his lordship has opened 
his heart to him about you, and those papers are wanted 
merely on that account — but as we shall discover all to- 
morrow, there will be no occasion for them, and it would 
be idle in me to go. 

Fanny. Hark ! hark ! — bless me, how I tremble ! — I 
feel the terrors of guilt — indeed, Mr. Lovewell, this is 
too much for me. 

Lov. And for me, too, my sweet Fanny. Your appre- 
hensions make a coward of me. But what can alarm 
you 1 your aunt and sister are in their chambers, and you 
have nothing to fear from the rest of the family. 

Fanny. I fear every body, and every thing, and every 
moment — my mind is in continual agitation and dread ; — 
indeed, Mr. Lovewell, this situation may have very unliap- 
py consequences. [ Weeps. 

Loth But it sha'n't — I would rather tell our story this 
moment to all the house, and run the risk of maintaining 
you by the hardest labour, than suffer you to remain in 
this dangerous perplexity. What ! shall I sacrifice all my 
best hopes and affections, in your dear health and safety, 
for the mean, and in such case, the meanest consideration 
— of our fortune ! Were we to be abandoned by all our 
relations, we have that in our hearts and minds, will weigh 



68 THE CLANDESTINE MARF.IAUE. [Act V 

against the most affluent circumstances. I should not have 
proposed the secrecy of our man-iage, but for your sake ; 
and with hopes that the most generous sacrifice you have 
made to love and me, might be less injurious to you, by 
waiting a lucky moment of reconciliation. 

Funny. Hush! hush! for heaven's sake, my dear Love- 
well, don't be so warm ! — your generosity gets the better 
of your prudence ; you will be heard, and we shall be 
discovered. I am satisfied — indeed I am. Excuse this 
weakness, this delicacy, — this what you will. My mind's 
at peace — indeed it is — think no more of it, if you love 
me ! 

Lov. That one v/ord has charmed me, as it always does, 
to the most implicit obedience : it would be the worst of 
ingratitude in me to distress you for a moment. 

[Kisses her. 
Re-enter Betty, k. 

"Betty. \ln a low To\ce\ I am sorry to disturb you. 

Fanny. Ha! what's the matter 1 

Jjor. Have you heard anybody % 

Betty. Yes, yes, I have ; and they have heard yov, too, 
or I'm mistaken — if th-ey had sec7i you, too, we should have 
been in a fine quandary ! 

Fanny. Prithee, don't prate now, Betty ! 

Lov. What did you hear % 

Betty. I was preparing myself, as usual, to take me a 
little nap — 

Liov. A nap ! 

Betty. Yes, sir, a nap ; for I watch much better so than 
wide awake; and when I had wrapped this handkerchief 
round my head, for fear of the ear-ache from the key-hole, 
I thought I heard a kind of a sort of a buzzing, which I 
fii'st took for a gnat, and shook my head two or three times, 
and went so with my hand. 

Fanny. Well, well — and so — 

Betty. And so, madam, when I heard Mr. Lovewell a 
little loud, I heard the buzzing louder too : and pulling off 
my handkerchief softly, I could hear this soit of noise — 
[Maizes an indistinct noise lil<e speaking. 

Fanny. Well, and what did they say ? 

Betty. Oh ! I could not understand a word of wliat was 
said. 



•Scene I.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 69 

Loo. Tlio outward door is locked 1 

Bettif. Yes ; and I bolted it, too, for fear of the worst. 

Faurnf. Why did you ] they must have heard you, if 
they were near. 

Belti/. And I did it on purpose, madam, and coughed a 
little, too, that they might not hear Mr. Lovewell's voice. 
When 1 was silent, they were silent, and so I came to tell 
you. 

Fanny. What shall we do 1 

Lou. P'ear nothing ! we know the worst ; it will only 
bring on our catastrophe a little too soon. But Betty 
might fancy this noise — she's in the conspiracy, and can 
make a man a mouse at any time. 

Belt;/. But T can distinguish a man from a mouse, as 
well as my betters. 1 am sorry you think so ill of me, sir. 

Fanny. He compliments you ; don't be a fool ! — [ To 
Loveivci/.] Now you have set her tongue a-running, she'll 
mutter for an hour. I'll go and hearken myself \Ex/t, R. 

Bctfi/. [Half aside, and muttering.] I'll turn my back 
on no girl, for sincerity and service. 

Lov. Thou art the first in the world for both ; and I 
will reward you soon, Betty, for one and the other. 

Betty. I'm not mercenary, neither. I can live on a lit- 
tle, with a good carreter. 

Re-enter Fanny, r. 

Fanny. All seems quiet — suppose, my dear, you go to 
your own room. I shall be much easier then : and to- 
morrow we will be prepared for the discovery. 

Betti/. \ Half aside, and fnuttering.] You may discover, 
if you please ; but for my part, I shall still be secret. 

Lou. Should 1 leave you now, — if they still ai'e upon 
the watch, we shall lose the advantage of our delay. Be- 
sides, we should consult about to-morrow's business. Let 
Betty go to her own room, and lock the outward door af- 
ter her ; we can fasten this, and when she thinks all safe, 
she may return and let me out as usual. 

Betty. Shall I, madam 1 

Fanny. Do let me have my way to-night, and you shall 
command me ever after. I wojdd not have you surprised 
here for the world. Pray leave me ! I shall be quite my- 
self again, if you'll oblige me. 



70 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V. 

Lov. I live only to oblige you, my sweet Fanny ! I'll 
be gone this moment. [Going. 

Fanny. Let us listen first at the door, that you may not 
be intercepted. Betty shall go first, and if" they lay hold 
of her — 

Beitij, They'll have the wrong sow by the ear, I can 
tell them that. [Going hastily. 

Fanny. Softly, softly, Betty ! don't venture out, if you 
henr a noise. Softly, I beg of you! See, Mr. Lovewell, 
the effects of indiscretion ! 

Lov. But love, Fanny, makes amends for all. 

[Exeunt all softly, r. 

Scene II. — A Gallery, wldcli leads to several hedcJiamhers. 

Enter Miss Sterling, leading Mrs. Heidelberg, in a 
niglttcap, R. u. e. 

Miss Ster. This way, dear madam, and then I'll tell you 
all. 

Mrs. Ilei. Nay, but niece — consider a little — don't drag 
me out in this figur — let me put on my fly-cap ! If any 
of my lord's fammaly, or the counsellors at law, should be 
stirring, I should be perdigus disconcarted. 

Miss Ster. But, my dear madam, a moment is an age, 
in my situation. I am sure my sister has been plotting 
my disgrace and ruin in that chamber. Oh, she's all craft 
and wickedness ! 

Mrs. Hei. Well, but softly, Betsy ! you are all in emo- 
tion ; your mind is too much flustrated ; you can neither 
eat, nor drink, nor take your natural rest. Compose your- 
self, child ; for if we are not as warysome as they are 
wicked, we shall disgrace ourselves and the whole fam- 
maly. 

Miss Ster. We are disgraced already, madam. Sir John 
Melvil has forsaken me : my lord cares for nobody but him- 
self; or if anybody, it is my sister; my father, for the sake 
of a better bargain, would marry me to a 'Change-broker; 
so that if you, madam, don't continue my friend — if you 
iiirsake me — if I am to lose my best hopes and consola- 
tion — in your tenderness — and affections — I had better — 
at once — give up the matter — and let my sister enjoy tlie 
fruits of her tz'eachery, trample with scorn upon the rights 



SCCNE II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 71 

of htr elder sister, the will of the best of aunts, and the 
weakness of a too interested father. 

[S//e pretends to be bursting into tears all this spcerJi. 

Mrs. Hei. Don't, Betsy — keep up your spurrit — I hate 
whimpering — I am your friend — depend ujjon me in every 
particular — but be composed, and tell me what new mis- 
chief you have discovered. 

Miss Ster. 1 had no desire to sleep, and would not un- 
dress myself, knowing that my Machiaval sister would not 
rest till she had broke my heart. I was so uneasy that 1 
could not stay in my room ; but when I thought that all 
the house was quiet, I sent my maid to discover what was 
going forward ; she immediately came back, and told me 
that they were in high consultation ; that she had heard 
only, for it was in the dark, my sister's maid conduct Sir 
John Melvil to her mistress, and then lock the door. 

Mrs. Hei. And how did you conduct yourself in this di- 
lamma 1 

J\Iiss Ster. I returned with her, and could hear a man's 
voice, though nothing that they said distinctly ; and you 
may depend upon it, that Sir John is now in that room, 
that they have settled the matter, and will run away toge- 
ther before morning, if we don't prevent them. 

Mrs. Hei. Why, the brazen slut! she has got her sister's 
husband (that is to be) locked uj) in her cliamber ! at night 
too ! — I tremble at the thoughts ! 

Miss Ster. Hush, madam ! I hear something. 

Mrs. Hei. You frighten me — let me put on my fly-cap 
— I would not be seen in this figur for the world. 

Miss Ster. 'Tis dark, madam ; you can't be seen. 

Mrs. Hei. I puitest there's a candle coming, and a man, 
too! 

Miss Ster. Nothing but servants ; let us retire a mo- 
ment ! \T//e>/ retire, R. v. e. 

Enter Brush half-drunh, laying hold of the Chambermaid 
wlto has a candle in her hand, l. u. e. 

Chamh. Be quiet, Mr. Brush ; I shall drop down with 
terror ! 

Brush. But my sweet and most amiable chambermaid, 
if you have no love, you may hearken to a little reason ; 
tliat cann()t possibly do your virtue any harm. 



72 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V. 

Chamh. But you may do me harm, Mr. Brush, and a 
great deal of harm, too — pray let me go — I am ruined if 
they hear you — 1 tremble like an asp. 

Brush. But they shan't hear us — and therefore I say it 
again, if you have no love, hear a little reason ! 

Chamh. I w^onder at your impurence, Mr. Brush, to use 
me in this manner; this is not the vv^ay to keep me com- 
pany, I assure you. — You are a town rake, I see, and now 
you are a little in liquor, you fear nothing. 

Brash. Nothing, by heavens, but your frowns, most 
amiable chambermaid ; I am a little electrified, that's the 
truth on't ; I am not used to drink poi't, and your master's 
is so heady, that a pint of it oversets a clai'et-drinker. 

Chamh. Don't be rude ! bless me ! — I shall be ruined 
— what will become of me ] 

Brush. I'll take care of you, by all that's honourable. 

Chamh. You are a base man to use me so — I'll cry out, 
if you don't let ine go — That is Miss Sterling's chamber, 
that Miss Fanny's, and that Madam Heidelberg's. 

\^Pointing. 

Brush. And that my Lord Ogleby's, and that my lady 
what-d'ye-call 'em : I don't mind such folks when I am 
sober, much less when I am whimsical — rather above that, 
too. 

Chamh. More shame for you, Mr. Brush ! — you terrify 
me — you have no modesty. 

Brush. Oh, but I have, my sweet spider-brusher ! — for 
instance ; I reverence Miss Fanny — with all my hon'ors 
of matrimony, I could marry her myself — but for her sis- 
ter — 

Miss Stcr. There, there, madam, all in a story ! 

Chamh. Bless me, Mr. Brush ! — I heard something. 

Brush. Rats, I suppose, that ai'e gnawing the old tim- 
bers of this execrable old dungeon. — If it was mine, 1 
would pull it down, and fill your fine canal up with tlie 
rubbish ; and then I should get rid of two damned thinga 
at once. 

C'lamh. Lav/ ! law ! how you blaspheme ! we shall 
have the house upon our heads for it. 

Brush. No, no, it will last our time — but as I was say 
mg, the eldest sister — Miss Jezebel — 

Chamh. Is a fine young lady, for all your evil tongue. 



Scene II ] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. iS 

BrusJi. No — we have smoked her ah-eady ; and un- 
less she marries our old Swiss, she can have none of us — 
no, no, she won't do — we are a little too nice. 

Chamb. You're a monstrous rake, Mr. Brush, and don't 
care what you say. 

Brush. Why, for that matter, my dear — where's old 
mother Heidelberg's room ? 

Bits. H. \ Coming Jbrward.] There's no bearing this — 
you profligate monster! 

Chamb. Ha ! I am undone ! 

Brush. Zounds! here she is, by all that's monstrous. 

[Runs off, L, 

Miss Sfer. A fine discourse you have had with that fel- 
low ! 

Mrs. Hei. And a fine time of night it is to be here with 
that drunken monster I 

Miss Ster. What have you to say for yourself? 

Chamb. I can say nothing — I am so frightened, and ^^ 
ashamed — but indeed I am vartuous — I am vartuous, in- 
deed. 

Mrs. Hei. Well, well — don't tremble so ; but, tell us 
what you krow of this horrible plot here. 

Miss Ster. We'll forgive you, if you'll discover all. 

Chamb. Why, madam — don't let me betray my fellow- 
servants — I sha'nt sleep in my bed, if I do. 

Mrs. Hei. Then you shall sleep somewhere else to-moi'- 
row night, 

Chamb. Oh, dear! what shall I do? 

Mrs. Hei. Tell us this moment, or I'll turn you out of 
doors dii-ectly. 

Chamb. Why, our butler has been treating us below 
in his pantry — Mr. Brush forced us to make a kind of 
a holiday night of it. 

Miss Ster. Holiday ! for what 1 

Chamb. Nay, I only made one. 

Miss Ster. Well, well, but upon what account I 

Chainb. Because, as how, madam, there was a change 
in the family, they said — that his honour. Sir John— was 
to marry Miss Fanny instead of your ladyship. 

Miss Ster. And so you make a holiday for that. — Vei"y 
fine ! 

Chamb. I did not make it, ma'am. 



74 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V 

Mrs. Hei. But do you know nothing of Sir John's be- 
ing to run away with Miss Fanny to-nighl ? 

Chamh. No, indeed, ma'am ! 

Miss Ster. Nor of his being now locked up in my sis- 
ter's chamber 1 

Cliamh. No, as I hope for marcy, ma'am ! 

Mrs. Hei. Well, I'll put an end to all this directly — di> 
you run to my brother Sterling — 

Chamh. Now, ma'am 1 'Tis so very late, ma'am — 

Mrs. Hci. 1 don't care how late it is. Tell him there 
are thieves in the house — that the house is o'fire — tel. 
him to come here immediately — go, I say ! 

C/iamb. I will, I will, though I'm frightened out of my 
wits. [Exit, L. 

Mrs. Ilei. Do you watch here, my dear; and I'll put 
myself in order to face them. We'll plot 'em, and coun- 
terplot 'em too. [Exit into her chamber. 

Miss Ster. 1 have as much pleasure in this revenge, as 
in being made a countess ! Ha ! they are unlocking the 
door. Now for it. [Retires. 

Fanny's door is unlocked — and Betty comes out with a 
candle. Miss Sterling approaches her. 

Hetty. [ Calling within.] Sir, sir ! now's your time — all's 
clear. [Seeing Miss Ster.] Stay, stay — not yet — we are 
watched. 

Miss Ster. And so you are, madam Betty ! 

[Miss Sterling lays hold of her, while Betty locks 
the door, and puts the key into her pocket. 

Betty. [Turning round.] What's the matter, ma'am ? 

Miss Ster. Nay, that you shall tell my father and aunt, 
madam. 

Betty. I am no tell-tale, ma'am, and no thief; they'll 
get nothing from me. 

Miss Ster. You have a great deal of courage, Betty * 
and considering the secrets you have to keep, you ha^ 
occasion for it. 

Betty. My mistress shall never repent her good op' 
of me, ma'am. 

Enter Sterling. 

Ster. What is all this ] What's the matter ] Why am I 
disturbed in this manner] 



ScKNE II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 75 

Miss Ster. This creature, and my distresses, sir, will 
explain the matter. 

Re-enter Mrs. Heidelberg, witJi anotJier head-dress. 

Mrs. TTei. Now I'm prepared for the rancounter — well, 
brother, have you heard of this scene of wickedness 1 

S'er. Not I — but what is it ? Speak 1 I was got into 
my little closet — all the lawyers were in bed, and I had 
almost lost my senses in the confusion of Lord Ogleby's 
mortgages, when I was alarmed with a foolish girl, who 
could hardly speak ; and whether it's fii'e, or thieves, or 
murder, I am quite in the dark. 

Miss S/er. Who's in that chamber? [Dciaining Befti/, 
who seemed to he stealing away. 

Bettij. My mistress. 

Miss Ster. And who is with your mistress 1 

Betty. Why, who should there be 1 

Miss Ster. Open the door, then, and let us see ! 

Betty. The door is open, madam. [Miss Sterling goes to 
the door.] I'll sooner die than peach. [Exit hastily, l. 

3Iiss Ster. The door's locked ; and she has got the key 
in her pocket. 

Mrs. Ilei. There's impudence, brother ! piping hot 
from your daughter Fanny's school ! 

Ster. But zounds ! what is all this about % you tell me 
of a sum total, and you don't produce the particulars. 

Mrs. Hei. Sir John Melvil is locked up in your daugh- 
ter's bedchamber. — There is the paiticular ! 

Ster. The devil he is ! that's bad ! 

Miss Ster. And he has been there some time, too. 

Ster. Ditto ! 

3Irs. Hei. Ditto ! worse and worse, I say. I'll raise 
the house, and expose him to my lord, and the whole 
fammaly. 

Ster. By no means ! we shall expose oiirselves, sister ! 
the best way is to insure privately — let me alone ! I'll 
make him marry her to-morrow moi'ning. 

Miss Ster. Make him marry her ! this is beyond all pa- 
tience ! You have thrown away all your affectiofl; and I 
shall do as much by my obedience : unnatural fathers 
make unnatural children. My revenge is in my own pow- 
er and I'll indulge it. Had they made their escape, I 



76 THE CLANDESTINE MARRUGE Act V 

should have been exposed to the derision of the world ; 
but the deiiders shall be derided ; and so — help ! help, 
there ! thieves ! thieves ! 

Mrs. Hei. Tit-for-tat, Betsy ! you are right, rny girl. 

Ster. Zounds ! you'll spoil all — you'll raise the whsle 
family — the devil's in the girl. 

.Mrs. Hei. No, no ; the devil's in you, brother. I am 
ashamed of your principles. What ! v/ould you connive 
at your daughter's being locked up with her sister's hus- 
band ] Help ! thieves ! thieves ! 1 say. [ Cries out. 

Ster. Sister, I beg you ! daughter, I command you ! If 
you have no regard for me, consider yourselves ! We 
shall lose this opportunity of ennobling our blood and 
getting above twenty per cent, for our money. 

Miss Ster. What ! by ray disgrace and my sister's tri- 
umph ! I have a spirit above such mean considerations ; 
and to shew you that it is not a low-bred, vulgar, 'Change- 
Alley spirit — help ! help"! thieves \ thieves ! I say, 

Ster. Ay, ay, you may save your lungs — the house is in 
an uproar ; women, at best, have no discretion ; but in a 
passion they'll fire a house, or burn themselves in it, ra- 
ther than not be I'evenged. 

Enter Canton, in a night-gown and slippers. 

Cant. Eh, diable ! vat is de raison of dis great noise,, 
dis tantamarre ] 

Ster. Ask those ladles, sir ; 'tis of their making. 

Lord Ogl. \ Calls within.] Brush! Brush! Canton! 
where are you ? What's the matter 1 [Rings a bell.\ 
Where are you 1 

Ster. 'Tis my lord calls, Mr. Canton. 

Cant. I com, mi lor ! 

[Exit, Canton — Lord Oglehy still rings. 

Serg. Flotver. [Calls ivith in.] A light! a light, here! 
where are the servants 1 Bring a light for me and my 
brothers. 

Ster. Lights here ! lights for the gentlemen ! 

[Exit Sterling. 

Mrs. Hei. My brother feels, I see — your sister's turn 
will come next. 

Miss Ster. Ay, ay, let it go round madam, it is the only 
comfort I have left. 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 77 

Re-enter Steri.iissg, with lights, ie/bre Sergeant Flower 
[wit/i one boot and a slipper) and Traverse. 

Ster. This way, sii' ! this way, gentlemen ! 

Flower. Wei! ; but Mr. Sterling, no danger, I hope. 
Have they made a burglarious entry \ Are you prepared 
to Impulse them ? I am very much alarmed about thieves 
at circuit-time. They would be particularly severe with 
us gentlemen of the bar. 

Traverse. No danger, Mr. Sterling — no tiespass, I 
hope ? 

Sfer. None, gentlemen, but of those ladies' making. 

Mrs. Hei. You'll be ashamed to know, gentlemen, that 
all your labours and studies about this young lady are 
thrown away — Sir John Melvil is at this moment locked 
up with this lady's younger sister. 

Florcer. The thing is a little extraordinary, to be sure 
— but, why were we to be frightened out of our beds for 
this ? Could not we have tried this cause to-morrow 
morning 1 

Miss Ster. But, sir, by to-morrow morning, perhaps, 
even your assistance would not have been of any service 
— the birds now in that cage would have flown away. 

Enter LoR'D Ogleby, in his rohe-de-chamhre, nightcap, Sfc, 
leaning on Canton. 

Lord Ogl. I had rather lose a limb than my night's 
rest — what's the matter with you all ! 

Ster. Ay, ay, 'tis all over ! here's my lord too. 

Lord Ogl. What's all this shrieking and screaming % 
where's my angelic Fanny ? she's safe, 1 hope ? 

Mrs. Hei. Your angelic Fanny, my lord, is locked up 
with your angelic nephew in that ehamber. 

Lord Ogl, My nephew ! then will I be excommunica- 
ted. 

Mrs. Hei. Your nephew, my lord, has been plotting to 
run away with the younger sister ; and the younger sister 
has been plotting to run away with your nephew ; and if 
we had not watched them, and called up the fammaly, 
they had been upon the scamper to Scotland by this 
time. 

Lord 0:;J. Look'ee, ladies ! I know that Sir John has 



78 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [Act V 

conceived a violent passion for Miss Fanny; and I know 
too that Miss Fanny has conceived a violent passion foi 
another person ; and I am so well convinced of the recti- 
tude of her affections, that I will support them with my 
fortune, my honour, and my life. Eh, shan't I, Mr. Ster- 
ling 1 [Smiling.] What say you 1 

Ster. [Sulkift/.] To be sure, my lord. — [^s/(^e.] These 
bawling women have been the ruin of everything. 

Lord Ogl. But come, I'll end this business in a trice. 
If you, ladies, will compose yourselves, and Mr. Sterling 
will ensure Miss Fanny from violence, I will engage to 
draw her from her pillow with a whisper through the 
keyhole. 

Mrs. Hei. The horrid creatures ! I say, my lord, break 
the door open. 

Lord OgL Let me beg of your delicacy not to be too 
precipitate ! Now to our experiment ! 

[Advancing towards the door. 

Miss Stcr. Now, what will they do ] My heart will 
beat through my bosom. 

Enter Betty tcitJi the hey. 

Betty. There's no occasion for breaking open doors, my 
lord ; we have done nothing that we ought to be ashamed 
of, and my mistress shall face her enemies. 

[Going to unlock the door. 

Mrs. Hei. There's impudence. 

Lord Ogl. The mystery thickens. Lady of the bed- 
chamber ! [To Betty, \ open the door, and intreat Sir John 
Melvil (for the ladies will have it that he is there,) to ap- 
pear and answer to high crimes and misdemeanors. Call 
Sir John Melvil into court. 

Enter Sir John Melvil, on the other side. 

Sir John. I am here, my lord. 

Mrs. Het Heyday ! 

Miss Ster, Astonishment ! 

Sir John. What is all this alarm and confusion! there 
is nothing but hurry in the house : what ia the reason of 
it? 

Lord Ogl. Because you have been in that chamber; 



fcEHElI.] THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. 79 

have been ! nay, you are there at this moment, as these 
ladies have protested, so don't deny it. 

Traverse. This is the clearest alibi I ever knew, Mr. 
Sergeant. 

Floicer. Luce clarius. 

Lord Ogl. Upon my vi^ord, ladies, if you have often 
these frolics, it would be really entertaining to pass a 
whole summer with you. But come — [To Betty,] open 
the door, and intreat yuur amiable mistress to come forthj 
and dispel all our doubts with her smiles. 

Betty. \Opening the door.] Madam, you are wanted in 
this room. [Pertly. 

Enter Fanny, in great confusion. 

Miss Ster. You see she's ready dressed — and what con- 
fusion she's in. 

M7-S. Heidel. Ready to pack off, bag and baggage ! Her 
guilt confounds her ! 

Floicer. Silence in the court, ladies ! 

Fanny. I am confounded, indeed, madam ! 

Lord Ogl. Don't droop, my beauteous lily ! but with 
your own peculiar modesty declare your state of mind. 
Pour conviction into their ears, and raptures into mine. 

\Smiling. 

Fanny. I am at this moment the most unhappy — most 
distressed— the tumult is too much for my heart — and I want 
the power to reveal a secret, which to conceal has been the 
misfortune and misery of my — my — \Faints away. 

Lord Ogl. She faints ; help! help! for "' 
the fairest and best of women ! 

Betty. [Running to her.] Oh, my dearest ! Speaking 
mistress ! help, help, there ! | all at once. 

Sir John. Ha ! let me fly to her assis- 
tance. 3 

Love WELL rushes out of the Chamber. 

JjOV. My Fanny in danger — I can restrain myself no 
longer. — Prudence were now a crime ; all other cares 
were lost in this ' — Sj>eak, speak to me, my dearest Fanny! 
Let me but hear thy voice, open your eyes, and bless me 
with the smallest sign of life ! 

[During this speech they are all in amazement. 



80 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. [AcT V. 

3Iui Sicr. Lovewell ! — I am easy ! 

Mrs. Heidel. I am thunderstruck ! 

Lord Ogl. I am petrified ! 

Sir John. And I undone ! 

Fanny. [Recovering.] O Lovewell ! — even sup j)or ted by 
thee, I dare not look my father nor his lordship in the face. 

Ster. What now ! did not I send you to London, sir ] 

Lord Ogl. Eh ! — What ! — How's this 1 — By what right 
and title have you been half the night in that lady's bed- 
chamber ? 

Lov. By that right which makes me the happiest of men ; 
and by a title which I would not forego, for any the best 
of kings could give. 

Betty. I could cry my eyes out to hear his magnanimity. 

Lord Ogl. I am annihilated ! 

Ster. I have been choaked with rage and wonder ; but 
now I can speak. — Zounds ! what have you to say to me 1 
— Lovewell, you are a villain. — You have broke your word 
with me. 

Fanny. Indeed, sir, he has not — you forbad him to think 
of me, when it was out of his power to obey you ; we have 
been married these four months. 

Ster. And he sha'n't stay in my house four hours. What 
baseness and treachery ! As for you, you shall repent this 
step as long as you live, madam. 

Fanny. Indeed, sir, it is impossible to conceive the tor- 
tures I have already endured in consequence of my diso- 
bedience. My heart has continually upbraided me for it ; 
and though I was too weak to struggle with affection, I 
feel that I must be miserable for ever without your for- 
giveness. 

Ster. Lovewell, you shall leave my house directly, — and 
you shall follow him, madam. [ To Fanny. 

Lord Ogl. And if they do, I will receive them into mine. 
Lookyee, Mr. Sterling, there have been some mistakes, 
which we had all better forget for our own sakes ; and the 
best way to forget them is to forgive the cause of them ; 
which I do from my soul. — Poor girl ! I svv'ore to support 
her affection with my life and fortune ; 'tis a debt of ho- 
nour, and must be paid — you swore^ as much, too, Mr 
Sterling ; but your laws in the city will excuse you, I sup 



Scene II.] THE CLANDESTINE MAJkRIAGE. 81 

pose ; for you never strike a balance without eri'ors ex- 
cepted. 

Stcr. I am a father, my lord ; but for the sake of all 
other fathers, I think I ought not to forgive her, for fear of 
encouraging other silly girls like herself to throw them- 
selves away without the consent of their pai-ents. 

Lov. I hope there will be no danger of that, sir. Young 
ladies, with minds like my Fanny's, would startle at the 
very shadow of vice ; and when they know to what unea- 
siness only an indiscretion has exposed her. her example, 
instead of encouraging, will rather serve to deter them. 

Mrs. Heidel. Indiscretion, quotha ! a mighty pretty de- 
licac word to express obedience ! 

Loi'd Ogl. For my part, I indulge my own passijDS too 
much to tyrannize over those of other people. Poor souls, 
I pity them. And you must forgive them too. Come, 
come, melt a little of your flint, Mr. Sterling ! 

Ster. Why, why, as to that, my lord — to be sure, he is 
a relation of yours, my lord — what say you, sister Heidel 
berg % 

Mrs. Heidel. The girl's ruined, and I forgive her. 

Ster. Well — so do I, then — Nay, no thanks — \To Love- 
well and Fanny, who seem preparing to speak] — there's an 
end of the matter. 

Lord Ogl. But, Lovewell, what makes you dumb all 
this while ? 

Lov. Your kindness, my lord. — I can scarce belies e my 
own senses — they are all in a tumult of fear, joy, love, ex- 
pectation, and gratitude ; I ever was, and am now more 
bound in duty to your lordship. For you, Mr. Sterling, if 
every moment of my life, spent gratefully in your service, 
will in some measure compensate the want of fortune, 
you perhaps will not repent your goodness to me. And 
you, ladies, I flatter myself, will not for the future suspect 
me of artifice and intrigue — I shall be happy to oblige and 
serve you. — As for you. Sir John — 

Sir John. No apologies to me, Lovewell, I do not de- 
serve any. All I have to offer in excuse for what has hap- 
pened, is my total ignorance of your situation. Had you 
dealt a little more openly with me, you would have saved 
me, and yourself, and that lady, (who I hope will pardon 
my behaviour,) a great deal of uneasiness. Give me leave, 



82 THE CLANDESTINE MARRIAGE. f Act V 

however, to assure you, that light and capricious as I may 
have appeared, now my infatuation is over, I have sensi- 
Dility enough to be ashamed of the part I have acted, and 
honour enough to rejoice at your happiness. 

Lov. And now, my dearest Fanny, though we are seem- 
ingly the happiest of beings, yet all our joys will be dampea, 
if his lordship's generosity, and Mr. Sterling's forgiveness, 
should not be succeeded by the indulgence, approbation, 
and consent of these our best benefactors. 

[ To tlie Audience. 

DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF 
THE CURTAIN. 

Stkk. Lord O. Fannt. Love. Mrs. H. Miss Stir. SwJ 

a.) [t- 

THE KNP. 



(Catiiluyue coiUinued from second page of aiver.) 



VOL. XLI. 
m The P Irate' s Legacy 
JM The Charcoal Burner 
S13 Adelgitha 
SM Pea or Valiente 
JM Forest Rose 
32« nnkes Daiiijhter 
M7 Camilla's Husband 
SJ8 Pure Oold 



VOL. XLII. 

329 Ticket of Leave Man 

330 Fool' 8 Revenge 

331 O'Nfilthe Great 
3.1'2 Handy Andy 

333 Pirate of the Isles 
33* Panchon 
3.3.'. Little Barefoot 
336 ■STild Irish Cirl 



VOL. XLm. 

337 Pearl of Savoy 

338 Dead Heart 



Hamlet, In Thn* Aota 

The Oath of OfBee 



Onttle & Oulpit 



Bound Volumes, containing Eight Play^. .. $1 25 

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Joe Miller's Own Jest Book 40 

Life of a Shoivman, by Davip Princr Miller 40 

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THE ETHIOPIAN DRAMA. 



Robert Make-Airs. 

Box and Cox. 

Mazeppa. 

United States Mail. 

The Coopers. 

Old Dad's Cabin. 

The Rival Lovers. 

The Sham Doctor. 

Jolly Millers. 

Villikins and his Dinnah. 

The Q,uack Doctor. 

The Mystic Spell. 

The Black Statue. 



JSfo. 1. 
2. 

' 3. 
4. 
5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

9. 
10. 
11. 
12. 
13. 
rhe above Dramas have been produced with the utmost care, not only to the conectne.ss 

• text, but to all the Stage Directions, Properties, and other minutiw, pertaining to 

being properly placed on the Stage. Although these Dramas are specially adapted 

tliiopian entertainments, they are well fitted for Private Theatricals. 

9~ NOTICE. — Owing to the continued increase in price «/ Press 'Work, P*per and 
Binding, we sliall he obliged to charge Fifteen Cents at Retail, for the .Standard and Minor 
Drama. — January 1st, 1864. 

Any of the above sent by Mail or Express on receipt of price, 

SAMTJEL FRENCH, Publisher, 

122 Xassau Street, (Up Stairs.) 

Agent for Lacy's, Cumberland's, and Webster's English Plays. 



No. 14. 


Uncle Jeff. 


15. 


The Mischievous Nigger. 


16. 


The Black Shoemaker. 


17. 


The Magic Penny. 


18. 


The Wreck. 


19. 


Oh, Hush ! or. The Vir- 




ginny Cupids. 


20. 


The Portrait Painter. 


21. 


The Hop of Fashion. 


22. 


Bone Squash. 


23. 


The Vivginia Miimmy. 


24. 


Thieves at the Mill. 


25. 


Comedy of Errors. 



FRENCH'S MINOR DRAMA 



Price 15 Cents each.— Bound Volumes $1.26. 



VOL. I. 

1 The Irish Attorney 

2 Boots at the Swan 

3 How to pay the Rent 

4 The Loan of a Lover 

5 The Dead Shot 

6 His Last Legs 

T The Invisible Prince 

8 The Golden Parmer 

VOL. II. 

9 Pride of the Market 

10 Used Up 

11 The Irish Tutor 

j 12 The Barraoli Room 

13 Liilie the Laborer 

14 Beauty and the Beast 

15 St. Patricli's Eve 

I 16 Captain of the Vatch 
VOL. III. 

17 The Secret fpers 

1 18 White Horse of the Pep- 
! 19 The Jacobite 

20 The Bottle 
j 21 Box and Cox 
I 22 Bamboozling 
j 23 Widow 8 Victim 

24 Robert Macaire 
i VOL, IV. 

i 25 Secret Service 
j 26 Omnibus - - 

] 27 Irish Lion ' :i 

28 Maid cf Croissy ■■ ' 

29 The Old Suard 

j 30 Raising the Wind 
: 31 Slasher and Crashe.- 
! 32 Naval Engagements 
VOL. V. 

33 Cooknies in California 

34 Who Speaks First 

; 35 Bombastes Furioso 
I 3C Macbeth Travestie 
j 37 Irish Ambassador 

38 Delicate Ground 
; 39 The Weathercock [Gold 

40 All that Glitters is Not 

VOL. VI. 

41 Grimshaw, Bagshaw and 
; Bradshaw 

42 Rough Diamonil 
I 43 Bloomer Costume 

44 Two Bonnjeastleg 
I 45 Born to Good Luck 
I 46 Kiss in the Dark [jorer 



VOL. VII. 

49 Box and Cox Married and 

50 St. Cupid [Settled 

51 Go-to-befl Tom 

52 The Lawyers 

53 Jack Sheppard 
j 54 The Toodles 

; 55 The Mobcap 

: 56 Ladies Beware 

j VOL. VIII. 

I OT Morning Call 

j 58 Popping the Question 

59 Deaf as a Post 

60 New Footman 

.61 Pleasant Neighbor 
! 62 Paddy the Piper 

63 Brian OLinu 

64 Irish Assurance 

VOL. IX. 

65 Temptation 

66 Paddy Carey 

67 Two Gregories 

, 63 King Charming 
i 69 Po ca-hon-tas 
i 70 Clockmaker's Hat 
I 71 .Vlarried Rake 
I 73 Love and Murder 
' VOL. XXXVII. 

j2Sn All iho World's a stage 
. 290 Quash, or Niggfr Praolic. 
; J9I Turn Him Out 

2fl2 Prellv Oirls of Rlinber,. 
(293 ADjfioflhe Attin 
I 294 rirrnm.stances AllerCaie 

296 Kativ O'Sheal 
1 29C A Supper in Dllie 



VOL. X. VOL. XIX. 

73 Ireland and Amerio;. 145 Columbus 

74 Pretty Piece of Business 146 Harlequin Bluebeard 

75 Irish Broom maker ]147 Lauie* at Home 

76 To Paris and Back foril48 Phenomenon in a Smock 



e Pounds 

77 That Blessed Baby 

78 .)urQal 

79 Swiss Cottage 

80 Young Widow 
VOL. XI. 



Frock 
j 149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neighbors 

151 Dutchman's Ghost 
|l52 Kerseouted Dutchman 

Vol. XX. 



81 O'Flannigan and the Fa- 153 Musard Ball 

82 Irish Post | ries 154 Great Tragic Revival 



83 My Neighbor's Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 

85 P . P . , or Man and Tiger 
80 To Oblige Benson 

87 State Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 

VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Cherrv and Fair Star 

91 Gale Breezely 

92 Our Jemimy 

93 Millers Maid 

94 Awkward Arrival 
9o Crossing the Line 

96 Conjugal Lesson 

VOL. XIII. 

97 My Wife's Mirror 
93 Life in New York 
99 .Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 Two Queens 

102 Thiimping Legacy 

103 Unfinished Uentlemaa 

104 House Dog 

VOL, XIV. 

105 The Demon Lover 

106 Matrimony 

107 In and Out of Place 

108 I Dine with My Mother 
109Hi-awa-tha 

110 Andy Blake 

111 Love in '76 (ties 

112 Romance under Difficul 

VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for 2 Suits 

114 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter [nority 
II6N0; or, the Glorious Mi 

117 Coroner's Inquisiiion 

118 Love in Humble Life 

119 Family Jars 
130 Personation 

VOL. XVI. 
121 Children in the Wood 

123 Winning a Husband 
133 Day after (lie Fair 

124 Make Your Wills 

125 Rendezvous 

126 My Wife's Husband 

127 Monsieur Tonsou 

128 Illustrious Stranger 

VOL. XVII 

129 Mischief-Making (Mine; 

130 A Live Woman in the 

131 The Corsair 
1.32 Shjiock 

133 Spoiled Child 

134 Evil Eye 

135 Nothing to Nurse 

136 Wanted a Widow 

VOL. XVIII. 

137 Lottery Ticket 
133 Fortune's Frolic 

139 Is he Jealous? 

140 Married Bachelor 

141 Husband at Sight 

142 Irishman in London 

143 Animal Magne'ism 
ll44 Highwavs and By- Ways, 



155 High Low Jack & Game 
l.'>6 A Gentleman from Ire- 
157 Tom and Jerry |land 
1.58 Village Lawyer 

159 Captain's not A. miss 

160 Amateurs and Actors 
VOL. XXI. 

161 PiomDtion [ual 

162 A F.-^scinating Tndivid- 

163 Mrs, Caudle 

164 Shakspeare's Dream 

165 Neptune's Defeat 

166 Ladv of Bedchamber 

167 Take Care of Little 

168 Irish Widow ( Charley 
VOL. XXII. 

169 Yankee Peddlar 

170 Hiram Hireout 

171 Double. Bedded Room 
112 The Drama Defended 
173 Vermont Wool Dealer 

74 Ebenezer Venture (ter 

175 Principles from Charao- 

176 Lady of (he Lake (Trav) 
VOL XXIII. 

177 Mad Dogs 

178 Barney the Baron 

179 Swiss Swains 

180 Bachelor' s Bedroom 

181 A Roland for an Oliver 
18'2 More Blunder* than One 

183 Dumb Belle 

184 Limerick Boy 
VOL. XXIV. 

185 Nature and Philosophy 
18b Teddy the Tiler 

187 Spectre Bridgroom 

188 Mattco Falcone 

189 Jenny Lind 

190 Two Buzzards 

191 Happy Man 

192 Betsy Baker 
VOL. XXV. 

193 No. 1 Round the Corner 

194 Teddy Roe 

195 0bj.ct of Interest 

196 My Fellow Clerk 

197 Bengal Tiger 

198 Laughing Hyena 

199 The Victor Vanquished 
'200 Our Wife 

VOL. XXVI. 
•201 My Husband's Mirror 
202 Yankee Laud. 
203Narah Creina 
204Goo'l for Nothing 

205 The First Night 

206 The Eton Boy 

207 Wanderins Minstrel 
■208 Wanted, 1000 Milliners 

VOL. XXVII. 
209 Poor Pilcoddy 
?10 The Mummy [Glasses 

211 Don't Forget your Opera 

212 Lo-e in Livery 

213 Anthony aad Cleopatra 
,'2UTryiug'ltOn. 

215 Staqe Struck Yankee 

216 Young Wife & Old Um 
brella 



VOL. XXVm. 

217 Crinoline 

218 A Family Faill^ 

219 Adopted Child 

220 Turned Heads 

221 A Match in the Dai 

222 Advice to Husband 

223 Siamese Twins 

224 Sent to the ToWir 
VOL. XXIJS 

225 Somebody EIse>, 

226 Ladies Battle ? 

2'i7 Art of Acting ? 

228 The Lady ofthetli 

2'29 The Rights of Kto 

230 My Husbands Otc 

231 Two Can Playi»t 
Game "•. 

232 Fighting by Pro:^ 
VOL. XXX. i 

233 Unprotected Perns' 

234 Pet of the Petticcs 
'235 Forty and Fifty 
236 Who Stole the P 
'237 Mv Son Di<ana 
'238 Unwarrantable !■ 

:39 Mr. and Mrs. Wh' 
'240 A Quiet Family 
VOL. XXXI, 
241 Cool as Cucum' 
i!42 Sudden Thougl 
243 Jumbo Jum 
•244 A Blighted Bei 
245 Little Toddlekii 
■;46 A Lover by Pro; 
247 .Maid with the 

;43 Perplexing Fred: 
VOL. XXXII 
•249 Dr. Dilworth 

50 Out to Nur.se 
■251 A Lucky Hit 
'252 The Dowogpr 
253Metamora (Burli 
'254 Dreams of Delui 

255 The Shaker Lovi 

256 Ticklish Times 
VOL. XXXI 

257 20 Minutes witll] 
258Miralda: or, thi 

of Tacon 
2.59 A Soldier's Cou! 
260 Servants by Le( 
'261 Dying for Love 

262 Alarniiog Sacr' 

263 Valet de Sham 

264 Nicholas Nicklel 
VOL. XXXI 

265 The Last of the 

266 King Rene's Dat 
•267 The Grotto Nymi 
'268 A Devilish Goo^ 
'269 A Twice Told Tl 
■i'70 Pas de Fascinai 
'271 Revolutionary 
'272 A Man Without 

VOL. XXX 

273 The Olio, Part 

274 The Clio, Part2.« 
275 'I he Olio, Part 8! 

276 I h-- Trumpetcr'l*! 

277 Seeing Warreu j 

278 Green Moiintalni 

279 That Nose i 

280 Tom Noddy's 8e* 
VOL, XXX'Vl 

281 Shocking Events 
'282 A Regular Fix 

283 Dick Turpin 

284 Youn;; Scamp 
i285 Young Actress 
286 Call at Nn 1.7 
'87 One Touch o*N» 
2,88 Two B'hoys 



S^ Any Play sent by Mail or Express, on receipt of 15 cents, in money 01 
]i nr<^ajg -^ju receive prompt attention. 

,- An Alphabetical List of SOOO Plays sent by Mail on receipt of a Postage 
SAOTUEIj FRENCH, Pvtblisher, 122 Nassau St. (up 



11 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



014 155 073 1 % 



-it r^ 



-t. - i7 









- ''^Mtl 



